Burn Out

I should be sleeping.  I had clinical today, so I've been up since a truly ungodly hour, but here I am.  I got to observe in the Cath & GI labs today.  Cool, but--  nothing begins to compare with the OR experience  I had last semester.  And anyway, I'm kind of burned out on Nursing right now-- because of work and because this program is stopping me from doing things that I want to be doing.  Like having a child.

I suppose I should be ashamed of myself for complaining about work circumstances when so many people are still unemployed, but I'm tired of delaying gratification in my life.  I think I'm one of the most patient people I know, but I have my limits too.  I'm resentful.  And frustrated.  And yes, very tired.  In fact, so tired that I can't sleep.  Funny how that happens.

I've got to shake this bad attitude off.  I need to and I'm sure I will.  It's just that I'm not myself without a child.  I've waited long enough, really, I have.  I want to fully realize my potential on this earth.  

I need my sleep because I work tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday.  Before Monday morning I also have to write two 3 page papers (in APA style, no less) and study for test #2.  I'm not motivated.  It seems like an insurmountable task.  I'm afraid that I might be sabotaging myself, but I see no way to reconcile wants and needs right now.  Maybe I shouldn't call it sabotage, maybe it's simply making a choice (one with unattractive consequences).  I could live with that if it was my choice to make freely, but it isn't.

My husband is somewhere else entirely.  I guess that's what I get for marrying someone older who has been married and who has raised a child already.  He just isn't on the same schedule.