Still Waiting

I haven't heard if I've been approved for the union-sponsored loan stipend program yet.  This program reduces an employees' hours from 40 to 32, while maintaining their full-time status and pay.  What a gift that would be!

As of right now, I am planning to continue as a full-time night shift Monitor Technician.  Financially, it isn't feasible to do otherwise.  I can't imagine that I won't be able to do both, simply because my job is so uninvolved.  There is a lot of down-time during which I can (and do) study. 

Today I submitted a request for schedule change to the staffing office.  I'm requesting to waive my alternating weekends off and instead have Wednesday and Thursday nights off each week.  This is imperative for me to make it to clinicals on time Thursday and Friday mornings (I'll need to be there around 6:00 am- normally I don't get off from work until 8:00 am).  If I'm approved for the loan stipend program, I will also take Sunday nights off.

Either way, it's going to be tough, but it's doable.  I need to maintain my full time status because it enables me to make the second mortgage on our house (in addition to all my other miscellaneous bills).  If I went to part-time, not only would I lose hours but I would lose my benefits...  Benefits that, because I'm insured through my husband, I'm able to waive for a 20% increase in pay.  That 20%, along with the shift differential that I get by working nights, really makes a difference.

Going to part-time would place a huge financial burden on my husband, who already pays the bulk of our expenses.  So it's a no-go. 

My fingers are crossed about the loan stipend program and the requested schedule change.  So far in this process, everything has been falling into place, so I'm cautiously optimistic that it will work out..  But I know there's no guarantee.

I've definitely been feeling the stress of the uncertainty these last few weeks.  I've even taken the step of restarting one of the antidepressant medications that I gave up last year in order to prepare for the possibility of becoming pregnant.  Since that's on the back burner for now, it seemed like a good idea to restart.  I've been so conflicted about delaying conception of a child even longer, not to mention conflicted about the idea of being a nursing student again, some 14 years after not completing a similar program.  I found my emotional stability was starting to slip, and I can't let that happen.  Perhaps it's the placebo effect, but one week into the new medication regimen, I feel much better.  I'm thankful for that.

This is a trying time, but also an exciting one.  Knowing that this journey will be tough and will require stamina and sacrifice adds to the thrill of it.  I don't like an unending daily grind...  I need to be stimulated with challenges, I need to be working towards goals.  Ultimately this is going to be very, very good for me!