Green Eggs and Ham, Anyone?

I'm feeling fried.  Fried, lifeless, and unappetizing!  Oh yes, and green, too!  I worked last night, so I need a nap, but it has to be a quick one.  My bridal shower is tonight at 5 pm at a fun local Moroccan Restaurant (yep, they have belly dancing!).  I have nothing to wear, so I want to try to go shopping this afternoon.  It would also be nice to get my nails done (yeah, right- I've had like 3 manicures in my life.... I'm too lazy and cheap for that stuff!).  It would also like to make time to straighten my hair...  It looks so much prettier straight.  That could take hours...  No, days!  Actually, it will probably take an hour and a half if I do it myself.  I haven't tried it for a while.  So yes, the nap can't be too long.  I just need enough sleep to shake this fried, green, melancholy mood that is settling in!

What's the problem?  Well, the P situation isn't exactly lifting my spirits (see last post).  But I can't do anything about that.  I've already apologized.  More than that, though, I'm saddened because my stepmother and brother won't be at the wedding.  I knew they wouldn't be able to come- they live in Sweden, and flights are not cheap.  My brother is in school.  Still, I was hopeful...  Then yesterday a card arrived in the mail, decked out in a veritable wardrobe of Swedish postage.  I hoped and hoped that when opened it, a check would not be inside.  I knew that if I saw a check, it meant they wouldn't be coming.  Sure enough, I opened the card and there was a check, a generous gift but not nearly as valuable as their presence would have been.  Tucked beside it was the RSVP card, their names neatly written on the "sends regrets" line.

It's my own fault...  I haven't been good at keeping in touch.  I think about them on their birthdays and at Christmas, and on my dad's birthday...  But I don't do a good job of calling or sending cards.  I guess I'd rather not think about them, and they would probably rather not think about me.  My dad is gone, and thinking of them reminds me of it.

After the letter arrived, I put it aside.  My mind was racing and I didn't think I'd be able to sleep, so I got into my collection of medication from when I was being treated for depression.  I pulled out the "big guns'- Klonopin.  I was prescribed this medication more or less for emergencies when I absolutely needed sleep.  I've only used it a handful of times, but I figured this situation qualified.  It was effective.  I fell asleep almost immediately.  I didn't get all that many hours, but I woke up feeling better.

I think I'm going to use it again today, then hopefully I can put it away again for a few more years!  I'm so ready to be done with wedding stuff.  I don't want to think about family, and loss, and the many "what if" scenarios that accompany such a major life event.  I want to get back to my quiet life and just live in the moment.