Boredom

You always hear about honor students who develop behavior problems in the classroom setting because they aren't being challenged enough...  This is what my life has become!

Wait, let me rephrase that- I'm not saying that I'm an honor student... Not exactly, anyway!  I am "gifted" in few undesirable areas of life...  (procrastination, anyone??) but let's not go there!

Well, although I'm not exactly an honor student, I do feel overqualified in my present position, and it has lead to some behavior issues...  Namely, I seem to be late to work every night.  I've always struggled with being prompt, but lately it's a losing battle.  The truth is, I'm bored.  I'm tired of my job.

Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of being able to bask in my boredom right now.  Despite better than expected job growth numbers released by the government last month, the US economy is still bad.  I can't afford to be flippant about my job or allow myself to indulge in the unsavory manifestations of boredom.  I've got to get (and hold it) together!  What to do, what to do.

My job is not good for my health.  Research has shown as much- the graveyard schedule stinks.  Night shift workers are fatter than day shift workers and have shorter life expectancies (nice). I also seem to have too much time on my hands every night- too few responsibilities and too little brain stimulation.  This is a double-edged sword.  The amount of time that I have means that I could be doing homework for an online Master's Degree right now (if I could figure out what to study and scrounge together funding for it).  Or I could be doing any number of things.  As it is, I've been coloring in an old Physiology coloring book.  Some nights I take a Spanish for Health Care Providers book with me and peruse that, other nights I read up on Clinical Microbiology, and I always have an EKG book with me.  I try to keep my activities relevant, but there are times when I end up knee-deep in "fluffy" magazines that the day time monitor tech has left in our work area.  I know that my free time is a blessing if only I'll look at it that way, but it's hard being self motivated, and it's hard doing so when I'd rather be at home sleeping beside my husband.

I've been feeling as though this internal conflict were coming to a head...  and lo and behold, it is.  This morning I learned from the nursing manager that our jobs may be in jeopardy.  We'll be logging our activities a little bit differently from now on so that upper management can see exactly what it is that we do.  It's an important job, and the slow times are balanced by occasional critical incidents (someone dying- we're the first to know when a heart is in trouble!).  This is welcome news for me- I welcome the opportunity to prove my worth.  Then again, what if our positions cannot be salvaged?

Coincidentally, a friend of my husband's at work is looking for an administrative assistant.  I took a series of tests at human resources last week in order to qualify (typing, MS Word, MS Excel).  I passed the typing test but did a mediocre job on the rest...  I've been a Mac user for several years now, so my Microsoft skills are a little bit soft.  I'm assuming that the friend has received my scores and transfer request by now, but I haven't heard anything from him.  I'm torn...  Obviously, I'm ready for a change, and given what's happening with my current position, maybe now is the perfect time to jump ship.  But on the other hand, do I really want to be an administrative support person?  I could do it for a while, and it would be awesome to work days again (I could even carpool with Robert in the new car)...  I might be able to use the position as a "jumping off" point for something else on the administrative end...  It would be cool to have weekends off...  But it's most definitely not my dream job!

So I don't know.  I seem to be very angst riddled and gloomy this week.  So much uncertainty.  There are moments when I say to myself, "Hey, give it a go.  What do you have to lose?!" but the thing is, what if I get into the nursing program at LA Harbor College next semester?  I can make that work with night shift.  There's plenty of time for studying, and I could probably trade and/or give up shifts in order to get enough sleep with my studies for two years.  This other job?  Not so much.  But then of course I'm back to that age-old question again- do I want to be a nurse?  In a specialty or with an advanced degree, yes.  On a med-surg floor wiping poopie bottoms?  Definitely not!  AAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm confused.  I need sleep!

What else is on my mind?  The new car we (well, my husband) just bought?  A Mini Cooper.  I still haven't ridden in it!  It's not exactly the most baby friendly car on the market.  So does his selection of this car signal that he really doesn't want a baby?   I shouldn't read into things, and my own car is extremely baby friendly.  I wish I could sort that out- will we or won't we?  It's just one more thing on my mind.

Ah, yes, and to church or not to church...  I'm leaning towards trying out one of the alternative services at Rolling Hills Covenant (it's a big church about five miles from home).  There, I've said it.  That's what I'd like to do...  But will I??  Can I get past all of my reservations and irritations with Christianity?