Getting a Grip

I've got to get a grip on my "behavior problems" (namely, the arriving to work late nearly every night).  I interviewed with my husband's coworker/ friend for his administrative support position, but in a field of 12 candidates who snagged interviews, I wasn't the most qualified.  It's just as well, really...  The bulk of the job was data entry, and I can't imagine a more miserable way to spend my working hours.  Besides that, the position would have taken me away from patient care and out of the UHW union that I belong to.  Leaving the union would have been a blessing in terms of take-home pay, but it would have been a step backwards if I intend to pursue a career in Nursing.  Why- because the union periodically sponsors employees to further their education.  The agreement: a cut in hours worked without an equivalent cut in pay, and in exchange the employee agrees to continue to work for the employer for some period of time.  It's an altogether good arrangement, because of the financial assistance but also because of the guarantee of a job when all is said and done.  I'd hate to give up that option. 

So without the thought of some other job waiting for me, I need to be invested in the one I already have.  Easier said than done...  I'm tired of working nights.  I need to reframe how I view my circumstances.  I need an attitude adjustment!  And I think I need to go back to school-- sooner rather than later.

I've always been interested in earning an MPH, and there are online programs for doing so.  The best among them: Johns Hopkins.  An MPH makes sense for me for many reasons.  Chief among them: Public Health pulls together my academic career better than anything else.  I was a Nursing student, then a Bio major, and finally earned my degree in Geography. After earning my degree, I earned a certificate in Geographic Information Systems...  One practical application for GIS is in Epidemiology and Public Health.  It's a great fit.  My alma mater has an excellent School of Public Health, and I was very close to applying to it before I left the area and came home to Southern California.  My life circumstances made it especially appealing-- my father was ill with a terminal disease, and his wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer just months ahead of his diagnosis.  At the time, they were living in Redondo Beach in a townhouse with a view from their balcony of a power plant near the ocean.  I remember thinking to myself that it was odd- my stepmother had no family history of breast cancer yet contracted it when she was approximately 32, younger than I am now.  My healthy father contracting a rare illness...  It just didn't make sense to me.  I began to wonder if there was something in their environment that had made them ill.  It wasn't that I necessarily thought it was the power plant...  But it was a visible symbol of the fact that there were things in their environment that could be dangerous.

I didn't apply to the program.  It is just one of many Master's and other degree programs that I almost applied to.  Earlier in this blog I detailed the academic programs I've "quit" on, and it was a surprisingly short list.  But when I consider all the programs I seriously considered, all the programs I began an application for, ordered expensive transcripts for, and invested countless hours in, the list is pretty staggering.  Why didn't I follow through?  Oh, there are so many reasons.  A big one is that I was conflicted- torn between following my heart with a career in a design-oriented field (like landscape architecture or urban planning) or pursing something in health care.  I couldn't resolve that issue.  The process of making peace with my wants and needs took longer than I would have liked because I was living in immense grief, and it was paralyzing.

Now, as I work my somewhat dead-end job that someone without much education could do (and do well, with a bit of intelligence and dedication), it's easy to feel sorry for myself.  Luckily, I'm past that phase!  I spent a lot of time feeling hopeless and wallowing before I got this job- all of my big plans to be successful and to be ahead of the game (with a family, a home, a pension) hadn't yielded any results.  All of my years sacrificing as a student, forgoing pleasure to be "ahead of the game"- I used to feel hopeless about my failure.  No more.  I can't regret anything, and I won't.  But now, I must move forward!

Researching the program options at Johns Hopkins has yielded another option beside the MPH- there is an internet based Master in Health Science in Occupational Health and Environmental Science.  Such a degree would qualify me to work in the field that my husband works in, or in Risk Assessment.  He loves it!  So it's something to consider.  If I go in that direction, I will need to retake the GRE (my scores are more than 5 years old) and I'll need to find 3 supportive individuals to write letters of recommendation (never a pleasant task).  If I want to apply, the deadline is June 1st...  Can I do it?  Do I want to do it?  Stay tuned!