Future Nurse

I'm at work right now, on my "lunch" (yep, lunch at 4 in the morning!).  A while ago, I checked my email, and there it was:  My acceptance to the nursing program!  The letter began with congratulations-- there were over 400 applications for the 48 positions.  Understandably, I'm in a state of gratitude and joy as I write this!

I am so ready to "do something with my life".  It has been tough being in a holding pattern for such a long time.  Moving into our new home two years ago and then getting married this year have been a huge help- I've been distracted from my feelings of failure.  Actually, I've been immensely happy this year.  Having the house, having a stable job, and being married have been such a tremendous blessing.  The lows in my life over the past decade have been so low, and now things are altogether good.  I have to pinch myself sometimes.  Before I left for work last night I got a scare- I had gone to bed around 7 pm after the news, and woke up to my alarm at 10:30, and I couldn't find my husband.  He wasn't in bed or napping on the couch (despite having to be at work early in the morning).  I knew something wasn't right, because the window shades throughout the house were open.  He is a creature of habit, and always closes everything up when it gets dark outside.  But the dogs weren't acting funny, so that was a good sign.  He had fallen asleep in the office (probably checking hockey scores on the computer!).  What a relief!  Still, I had several minutes of panic.  The problem with life being really good is the fear that things will change.  I don't feel prepared for that.

Well, having a secure future as a nurse will help to alleviate my worries.  I will be capable of self sufficiency, and I'll be in a career where it's impossible to lose sight of one's blessings.  That's a good thing.  I just have to find the right specialty for my personality and needs.  Looks like I've got two years to figure it out!

5 Minutes of Fame

R and I were pleased to find a picture of ourselves in our city's local magazine- our wedding photographer photographs extensively for the magazine, and also advertises there.  So his latest ad features a picture of us flying a kite on our wedding day.  It's very cute! 

What makes me happy is how happy the picture makes my husband.  He was positively gleeful when he showed me the ad-- beaming with pride.  A co-worker left a copy of the magazine at the nurses station where I work a few days ago, so I showed it to a few people.  One of them, a woman who has worked here for a long time and is familiar with my husband, exclaimed, "Wow, I've never seen him smile like that before!"  She paused, then added, "You did that."  It's true, and it's heady stuff, knowing that I'm a source of tremendous joy in his life.  He is so happy and so proud to be my husband-- he takes the time to say so.  He wears his wedding band with pride.  After dating my fair share of people and suffering my fair share of heartbreak, my good fortune in meeting him is almost unbelievable.  He cherishes me, and I cherish him.  We love one another to the same extent...  Good stuff!  It just doesn't happen all that often!

We've had fun laughing and joking about how we should "autograph" our ad...  It's cool to think that it was chosen, but most of all it's cool to think that the camera captured a vivid moment of us in celebration- it wasn't staged, it just happened.  That's one thing that I'm really glad about  as far as our wedding was concerned...  We didn't do a lot of posing for our wedding pictures.  We took the traditional family group shots, of couse, but otherwise our photographer just captured us in our "natural state".  When I look at the pictures I'm transported back to our happy day.

Waiting...

I'm a bit on edge right now, waiting to find out if I've gotten in to the nursing program for the Fall.  The TEAS test was going to be offered twice- two weeks ago on Friday (the date I took it) and last Friday.  Now that both groups of invitees have tested, the college has its entire pool of qualified applicants...  I can't imagine it would take more than a few days to process the information and conduct a second lottery if necessary.  I doubt that the person in charge of doing this works weekends, and today was Memorial Day, so the soonest this might happen is probably tomorrow.  Nevertheless, I've been checking my email like a maniac!  The next few days are going to be tough.  If I don't hear anything by Wednesday, I'll probably call the school to find out when I can expect to hear more.

As I've mentioned before, I'm not totally convinced that nursing is the best career avenue for me.  I work with nurses, and my front row seat to their struggles and frustrations definitely gives me pause.  Med-surg nursing doesn't excite me, to say the least.  But nursing is a vast profession, and I have no doubt that I can find a niche where I'll be happy and do a good job.  That's all I ask for- the opportunity to find a niche where I can put my knowledge and concern for others to work, and command a decent salary in the process.

The local newspaper just featured an article about the lack of even nursing jobs (assumed by many to be a recession-proof profession) in today's tough economy.  Apparently, many nurses of retirement age are postponing retirement, and many per diem workers have entered the field full time- in some cases because spouses are out of work and a full-time position comes with medical benefits.  So the job outlook for new grads is a little dim at the moment, but with nearly half the workforce approaching retirement age, it's just a matter of time before the jobs start posting again.  One of the interviewees in the article predicted that a turnaround would take place in 2 to 4 years...  That works for me!  Assuming I get in this Fall (please, please, please let me get in!), I'll be finishing up in two years. 

It's off to work now...  More thoughts on all of this later!

Privacy

My husband will never join Facebook.  Neither will my sister.   Why?  Privacy.  Now mind you, my sis is what my grandmother would call a gadabout- according to Merriam Websters, this is a person who "flits about in social activity"- she's very involved with other people.  She has a lot of friends, many of them are on Facebook, and several have repeatedly attempted to get her to set up an account.  Heck, even I've tried (and I'm not known for my sociability, ok?).  It's not that she doesn't care about her friends, or want a new avenue for keeping in touch, sharing photos, etc., but she worries about the loss of privacy and the blurring of personal with public information.

My husband has been on facebook only a few times.  With my oversight, he's been on my account to look at photos friends posted of our wedding and also to view a slide show created by our professional photographer.

When he saw some pictures that I'd posted of the two of us, he was bothered.  He doesn't like the idea of people who may or may not be important to us sharing in both the intimacies and the trivial bits of our lives.

I've been thinking a lot about Facebook myself lately, and I get it.  I wonder sometimes why I'm there- After months of feeling irritated with the divisive postings of a former friend (if you would call him that) I finally changed a setting on my account so that I don't see anything that he posts, unless it is posted directly to my wall.  I did the same thing for the former co-worker who flaked on coming to my wedding.  Why?  I don't really care about either one of them.  Why should I?  And yeah, the idea of these people who don't matter being acquainted with the details of my life is a little troubling. 

Then there are the cousins I was so happy to have a means of keeping up with.  In reality, we don't talk much- either I'm not interested in their lives, they aren't interested in mine, or we're mutually uninterested.

Over the past week or two I've deleted nearly all of my photo albums and personal information (former employers, schooling, etc) from my account.  It's no longer a platform for sharing who I am with others.  Instead it's just an open line of communication that can be used by a small group of people (mostly family) if ever they do want or need to reach me.  That's how I'm going to maintain it for now.

Apparently, there are politicians (and probably plenty of plain folk, too!) who use Facebook to promote a version of themselves that may or may not be based in reality.  Smiling photos on the beach, witty quotations, etc. etc.- it's all carefully selected and promoted.  It's marketing, really.  Well, blah.  I'm not into that right now.

That brings us to this blog...  Too much information?  Too intimate?  And what of the matter of blogging in general?  For me, this is like keeping a journal.  It's a way to clear my head, and I don't plan to stop.  I've tried to depersonalize it for the sake of my husband- eliminating our names and such.  That's cool...  I guess it's kind of creepy to think of anyone actually reading about us.  Especially if they know us :)

I follow a lot of blogs, and what a mess that is!  I can't figure out how to stop receiving updates from them.  I love some blogs (my favorite two right now are written by women who live in the city I live in- they take photos and explore the neighborhoods).  Some blogs are annoying (yep, I'm referring to the unnecessary quotation marks blog in particular), and others are too personal.

I need some distance!  I was thrilled beyond belief to find the blog of an old friend, and I hung on every word and photo.  Then she quit posting much, and I have to wonder if my zeal for her personal life played a part in that.  I commented on a few postings, and became a "follower"...  Did I creep her out?  That's the thing about blogging....  It's a lot of fun when it's anonymous.  Or when you have absolute control over who is following.  But when people find you via your blog, when you may have preferred to stay hidden from them...  That's a problem.  So sorry N&J, for stumbling over your blog and getting way too excited about it.  I guess if fate had intended for us to remain friends, we would have!  I wish you well, and I wish you a measure of privacy in your blogging universe, if that's what you desire.

Monday Morning Blues

Wow, the weekend went by in a blur.  Isn't that how it always is?  It's back to the grind.  Until my class finishes up in about a month, my only days off are one weekend every other week.  Time off is especially enjoyable right now, but also especially fleeting.

Friday, my insane day, went pretty well.  After working all night Thursday, I rushed off to class Friday morning.  Class let out early last Wednesday afternoon because of a power failure that prevented us from completing our quiz, so the instructor rescheduled us for 8 am on Friday morning (one hour early).  I don't usually leave work until 8 am, so I was expecting to be at least 30 minutes late.  But because I didn't get a lunch break at work on Thursday night, I was able to escape 15 minutes early, and ended up being only 10 minutes late to class...  Excellent!  I walked in during the quiz, and had only missed the first four questions.

After a busy 3 hours of lecture, I had to leave class early to head over to the local community college, where I took the approximately 4 hour long TEAS test.  I spent plenty of time stressing out about it last week (particularly the math section), but it was easy.  Because it is a computer based test, I got my score back immediately, and I passed with flying colors!  Alas, it doesn't mean that I have a spot in the nursing class in the fall-- apparently, some students don't pass the TEAS, so the school allows more people to take it than seats are available.  If the number of students who pass the test exceeds the number of seats, they conduct another lottery to decide who advances.  There will be 48 seats for the fall class...  Let's hope I'm part of that group!  After the exam, I was finally free to head home and decompress, and that's exactly what I did for the next two days.  Ahhhh, so nice!

Oh Happy Day!

I was fully expecting to have to wait for snail mail regarding the Nursing Program...  But lo and behold, when I checked one of my email accounts, there it was: an invitation to take the TEAS test!  Woo hoo!  This is good news.

Unfortunately, I'll have to miss a half-day of EMT class (and missed classes are required to be made up via a private tutoring session with the instructor, at a cost of more than $100- ouch!) but sacrifices have to be made.  The email arrived in my alternative email account, the one I don't check every day...  Boy, it's a good thing I checked it this morning!  The TEAS has a registration deadline of this Thursday; had I not seen the email in time, I would have been SOL!

Ok, in the middle of writing this, R called...  He got my phone message (I immediately left him a message at work).  We just chatted about a variety of things, and it sounds like he's having a good day so far.  However, neither of us said a single word about the Nursing Program.

I know that he's nervous...  Two years of schooling (full time, no less) is a huge undertaking.  But I have to make it work, somehow... I need to cast off this underachiever's mantle!  It's time to achieve, baby.  And this will be just a first step, because I know I won't be happy with just an ADN.  A BSN- yeah, that would be ok, an MSN, now we're talking...  Training in a specialty, like CRNA or NP or CNS- that's where it has to lead.  I'm impatient to get on with my life as a professional.

In fact I'm annoyed I have to undertake the first two years of training at all...  It's so 1996 (the year I was first accepted into a Nursing Program).  I could have twelve years under my belt by now!  Ah, well...  C'est la vie.  I wouldn't change anything, because I've enjoyed my life experiences, challenges included!  And I would never, never, NEVER ever give back the two and a half years I was a student at Cal.  So it's all good!

EMT Ecstasy

It's been almost 15 years since I took an EMT class for the very first time...  and I don't remember it being this much fun.  Go figure!? 

The expertise of the instructor has a lot to do with whether or not I enjoy any class, and I have to say that this one is top notch.  He was a practicing paramedic for something like 6 long years...  Well beyond the point of burn-out for most people, and he parlayed that into a teaching career that has spanned more than two decades.  Cool!  I'm loving his easy going teaching style and great illustrative stories.

When I took my original EMT class, the primary instructor was an Emergency Department RN.  She was great, but there is something to be said for actually working in the prehospital environment.  The field and the ED may be similar but they are certainly not one and the same.  Funny thing...  I'm finding myself drawn towards that prehospital environment right now.  I'm even wondering if I should try to go to paramedic school.  Now that's crazy.  That certainly wasn't my plan when I started this class a few weeks ago.

I guess a lot hinges on whether I get into the nursing program in the Fall.  Not that I'm dying to be a nurse, but I need to put my considerable medical knowledge to work in a career that pays, emotionally as well as financially.  There are several options that I consider more suitable than nursing, but either the duration of the schooling or the financial resources required make those options unrealistic.  And I wouldn't say that my husband is unsupportive of me returning to school, but he always says, "The mortgages have to come first."  We aren't struggling right now like we were when we first bought out house, but we don't have much of a buffer, either.  We need every dollar that we earn.

So anyway, like it or not, nursing is my most likely path right now.  I called the local nursing program today to find out when acceptance/rejection letters will be sent out, and I was told, "Either later this afternoon or tomorrow."  That's good- that means I should know in a day or two.  If I don't get in again, it's back to the drawing board (and maybe paramedic school is a viable option-- who knows).  If I do get in, I'll need to get the ball rolling on financial aid ASAP, because it will be a tough sell here at home.  I definitely plan to keep working, but full time won't be possible, so I'll need to offset my expenses somehow.