Getting Licensed

It's official- well, almost!  Tuesday morning R and I went down to the LAX Courthouse and got our marriage license.  We arrived shortly after the County Clerk/ Registrar Recorder opened, so we didn't have to wait too long...  Nevertheless, the deviation from my routine meant I had a hard time getting to sleep later that morning.  Oh well, c'est la vie!  The only casualty: my hair! I ended up at work with major bedhead (went to sleep at 3-ish, woke up at 9:30pm... not a lot of time for primping before it was time to leave).  One of the good things about working nights is that nobody is around to notice bedhead...  And I'm sure that my coworkers don't care!  Not that it's smart to make a habit of looking like a slob at work, but it's nice to have the option. 

R likes to cut out the "Love Is..." comics for me from the newspaper (he's just sweet like that).  Yesterday he cut one out that said, "Love Is Looking Ahead, Not Back".  So I've been thinking about what that means.  A lot of looking forward is focusing on our life together.  We have both been with other people (I've had other relationships, he has been married).  I have to laugh at the idealism I once possessed.  When I was a young, practicing Christian, I often heard that Christian parents would pray for their child's future spouse.  Or I'd hear from lifelong Christians that they began praying for their future husband/ wife in grade school- "Lord, prepare my partner for me"- wow, what a beautiful thought, this notion that there is one person out there who is just right for each of us- our perfect mate, that God is preparing for the day that we will meet!  The romantic in me just eats this stuff up.  But it's also a very fatalistic way of thinking about love.  If there is just one person, what happens if a tragedy befalls him or her?

A few years ago, I remember hearing about a type of marriage license that you could opt for in certain states...  I think it was called "Covenant Marriage" (but I don't remember exactly- nor do I remember if it was just a proposal or if it was actually signed into law).  People who opted for this type of marriage were choosing to make it a much more legally binding and difficult to dissolve (no such thing as a quick/easy divorce for these folks).  Once again, the romantic in me was enthused by the idea.  But I'm older and wiser now.  There is so much that you can't know about your future, or predict when you say your vows.  What if the person you marry ends up being abusive?  An addict?

I don't believe that R is my "one true love" that God has been preparing for me.  I do believe that he is the right person for me, and that he came in to my life at the right time.  I never expected I'd be with an older man, and I know that if I had met him earlier in my life I would have been closed to the idea.  But it has it's perks!  Firstly, he's already trained.  Just kidding!!  No, but he was already accustomed to the give and take of marriage before I met him, and he's old enough and set enough in his ways that there aren't any surprises for me to discover.  Whereas someone my own age might still be evolving (as I like to think I am), he is who he is- what you see is what you get.  And I like what I'm getting!  He knows how to take care of himself and does a good job of it.  He also knows how to take care of others and does a darn good job of that, too!  It crosses my mind every once in a while that I may outlive him...  but then I just think of the expression, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"- I'd rather have as many years as I get with him (happy years) than be miserable with someone my own age.  Besides, life is totally unpredictable.  It's quite possible that he will outlive me.

He is not perfect, but he complements me extremely well.  I couldn't ask for better.  It's easy to look forward to my life with him.  When I look backwards at relationships that didn't work out, there is nothing worth a second glance.  I dated some great men, had some good times, learned some things I needed to learn, and that's that!  The future is calling me now, and I'm excited to answer.