Fatigue

It's a good thing that my EMT class is almost over.  I have a hellish week ahead of me: work tonight followed by class tomorrow, a few hours of sleep tomorrow night then back to work, then back to class for a makeup session right in the middle of the day (prime sleeping time), home for (hopefully!) a few good hours of sleep, back to work, back to class on Wednesday, home for a few hours of sleep, then back to work, and finally on Thursday I'll be able to sleep all day.  I had this weekend off, and I did a lot of sleeping, but I don't feel all that rested.  I'll probably get all of 12 hours of sleep over the next three days...  Not enough.

On the one hand, I suppose it's good training for the fall.  I'm still totally excited about starting the nursing program, but the reality of it has been sinking in, too.  I have to work-- there's no way around that.  The union at work sponsors employees who go to school...  The arrangement is that you work 30 hours but still get paid for 40.  Nice, except for two things: #1, I don't know if this is automatic, or if it's something I'll have to apply for- do they sponsor an unlimited number of interested employees, or will I have to compete with others? #2, Assuming I'm approved, that still means 30 hours of work per week with school.  It's going to be tough.

The EMT class has been fun but it hasn't been easy...  I like sleep.  I miss it when I don't get enough.  Fortunately, the class is almost over.  I have one more week of new material, then a final week of reviews and tests.  I'm supposed to have a ride-along completed by next Wednesday, but when am I supposed to get it done?  I just don't have that large a chunk of time available.  So it's going to have to get done late...  The instructor will be irritated, I'm sure, but I can't make it happen on time unless I take a night off from work.  Although I am late on occasion, I've never missed a shift...  I don't ever call off sick.  I just don't.  And I don't want to start now, either.

I feel drained.  I have a hard time feeling excited about the EMT class now that I've been accepted into the nursing program.  My plan was to get a job in the ED, but now it makes more sense to stay in my current position.  It's much more student-friendly, with plenty of opportunities to study.  The evening shift is presently vacant, and I was thinking about trying to move into it (not as easy as one would think since our manager will be taking a new job in a week-- I don't know who will be handling our department when that happens).  But the thing is, as much as I long to get off the night shift, it probably is wise to stay on it.  Evening shift is a lot more busy.  There are more people in the hospital (from lost family members to administrators), and the patients are off and on the monitors with more frequency (either going for procedures or because they're being discharged).  It's just a lot more chaotic with far fewer opportunities to crack the books.  As much as I don't want to, I need to sit tight.  I have a good thing going if I can just stick it out for two more years.

Two more years...  What does it all mean?  I think it means getting pregnant is a bad idea- pregnancy and school or pregnancy and work are a full enough plate...  Pregnancy with school and work??  That just wouldn't be wise.  It's frustrating but I know I've got to do what I've got to do.  Right now, I need to work on securing my future.  Things are too tenuous.  We have a home we love, but the mortgage is pretty hefty.  R already makes a good salary, so the only room for improvement is with me.

Twenty minutes until I have to leave the house...  Should I shower?  Or blog until the bitter end?  I guess I'd better wrap this up and get ready to go.  I dread going in tonight, because R told me this morning that E is in the hospital.  His ex wife called him on Saturday afternoon and told him the news.  She has a low BP...  That isn't good.  She will be monitored, so that means there's a 50-50 chance that she'll be on my unit when I get to work.  Well, assuming she's still there, and I'm sure she is (unless she signed out AMA).  It's very sad and tough when she's in the hospital.  A few times now, she's been on my unit and has been one of my tele patients.  It's hard to focus when her heart rhythm runs across the screen in front of my eyes.  It's hard to focus on any of the other rhythms...  It becomes all consuming.  Hopefully she's on the other tele unit.  Hopefully she's doing ok.