Overdone

I did something I am loathe to do last night...  I called in sick to work.  When I got home from class yesterday afternoon, I couldn't sleep.  So I got up and started to make dinner.  Before I knew it, it was 6 pm.   The thought of getting only a few hours of sleep then starting it all over again was overwhelming.  I felt so drained given the fact that E is in the hospital again.  When her dad got home, he told me that his ex wife phoned him and asked him not to visit E.

One of the last times E was in the hospital, he said something to his daughter about how it's tough when she's there, because it's his workplace, and people inevitably talk (despite HIPPA laws, word gets out).  E misinterpreted what he said to mean that he's "embarrassed by her"- so she doesn't want him to visit.  That's not it at all- it isn't about embarrassment or shame.  Its just that it's uncomfortable having her there.  I feel the same way.  One of the joys of work is being able to set aside personal matters for 8, 10, or 12 hours.  When the lines between work and personal life become blurred, it's hard to function in a productive role.  I know that people talk-- I've heard them.  I waited a long time before telling anyone that R was my fiancee, so when I first started in my current position, and E came in as a patient on my unit, I heard what people said about her.  People have theories about why kids turn to destructive behaviors like Anorexia.  Even nurses, who should know that behaviors like eating disorders are incredibly complex, rush to judgment.  I remember one nurse telling the others at the nurses station, "You know that she's doing it for the attention."

When a child is sick with a disorder that has a mental health component (and eating disorders most definitely do), people have opinions.  They judge the parenting of that child, they judge the decisions that are made on the child's behalf.  They theorize and assign blame.

R is in a position of authority in the medical center.  He doesn't work in obscurity; people know who he is.  He sometimes has unpopular things to say, and people invariably have opinions about him.  That's fine.  But it isn't fair for the struggles of his daughter to become fodder for the gossip mill.

I feel exhausted right now.  I am so glad that I got a good night's sleep.  Pretty soon I have to leave for my EMT class make-up lecture...  I'm not really in the mood, so hopefully the time will go by quickly!  Hopefully I'll get some rest this afternoon.  I'm not looking forward to work tonight.