Isn't it funny how you don't necessarily realize how tired you have been in the midst of something until after the fact. This is true with physical activities (running, hiking, etc.)-- you just keep going, sometimes out of the sheer wonder of what's ahead, sometimes to reach a personal goal. You race or perhaps plod along, and yes, it's painful along the way, but then in the end, when you finally stop for a sip of water or to check out that view... You wonder, "Damn, how did I just do that? My legs are about to give out, and a rest is nice, but how will I get moving again?" And when you're finally home, you collapse.
At this precise moment, this is how I feel. The semester is over. I don't know how to process it. Was it a good experience? I think so, but I'm not sure. I feel disoriented. I'm relieved that it's over, but there is a sense of let down as well. Above all, I am exhausted. How did I just do that? I don't know. Will I be able to catch my breath over the next few months?
I have poured myself a high calorie alcoholic beverage, and it doesn't taste good, but there it sits, a few inches from me, as I try to process this ending. Maybe I poured it for myself because I feel like I ought to be in a celebratory mood, and this is how we celebrate in our culture. It doesn't seem to be working.
After the final test today, we oriented to the 3rd semester. There are three rotations: Peds, OB, and Geriatrics. I will be starting with OB. On the one hand, I'm excited- finally, something different from what I see everyday at work. Something that will challenge me, something that it usually joyous for the people involved. What could be better, really?! On the other hand, I hope it doesn't make me sad. I hope it doesn't make me feel inadequate, because it's something that I want but don't have. Hopefully it will motivate me to get through this program so that I can.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Time for Fun
I'm now two weeks away from completing the second semester of the nursing program. Wow, time has gone by so fast (actually, it hasn't, sad to say! I'm attempting to delude myself). I 'm eagerly anticipating my summer break of approximately 2 1/2 months. So eagerly, in fact, that I decided I would start early. Approximately a month ago, I bought myself a tandem kayak, complete with foot pedals for the athletically challenged. It's the best thing I've done in a long time. I've gone out several times in the local harbor with both my husband and my mom, and we all love it. My last outing with my mom even included a zen-like experience of being in the midst of feeding dolphins. They didn't mind us, just went on about their business as we watched in awe and listened as they surfaced to breathe. What makes kayaking especially wonderful is that it's not just physical, not just spiritual, but it is also a way to reconnect with loved ones that I miss. When I'm on the water, I am connected to my father, my grandfather, and years of happy memories sailing. I have happy childhood memories of sailing past buoys afloat with lounging sea lions, now I am building new memories of kayaking past them with my husband. This sense of reconnection, of weaving together the past with the present is priceless. My husband will never know my father, who would have been 66 years old yesterday. He has been gone for nearly a decade, as impossible as that seems. I celebrate his life when I am kayaking. I remember him as I build new memories. Happy birthday, dad. Miss you.
At school we are covering our last unit of the semester-- Neuro. It's especially compelling because a neurological disorder took my dad from me (and my mom's dad from her). This is undoubtedly the most confounding unit we've covered, but also the most riveting. Last week I spent two days in the Neuro ICU, observing care there. I believe I have found another potential niche for myself. Good news!
At school we are covering our last unit of the semester-- Neuro. It's especially compelling because a neurological disorder took my dad from me (and my mom's dad from her). This is undoubtedly the most confounding unit we've covered, but also the most riveting. Last week I spent two days in the Neuro ICU, observing care there. I believe I have found another potential niche for myself. Good news!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Burn Out
I should be sleeping. I had clinical today, so I've been up since a truly ungodly hour, but here I am. I got to observe in the Cath & GI labs today. Cool, but-- nothing begins to compare with the OR experience I had last semester. And anyway, I'm kind of burned out on Nursing right now-- because of work and because this program is stopping me from doing things that I want to be doing. Like having a child.
I suppose I should be ashamed of myself for complaining about work circumstances when so many people are still unemployed, but I'm tired of delaying gratification in my life. I think I'm one of the most patient people I know, but I have my limits too. I'm resentful. And frustrated. And yes, very tired. In fact, so tired that I can't sleep. Funny how that happens.
I've got to shake this bad attitude off. I need to and I'm sure I will. It's just that I'm not myself without a child. I've waited long enough, really, I have. I want to fully realize my potential on this earth.
I need my sleep because I work tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday. Before Monday morning I also have to write two 3 page papers (in APA style, no less) and study for test #2. I'm not motivated. It seems like an insurmountable task. I'm afraid that I might be sabotaging myself, but I see no way to reconcile wants and needs right now. Maybe I shouldn't call it sabotage, maybe it's simply making a choice (one with unattractive consequences). I could live with that if it was my choice to make freely, but it isn't.
My husband is somewhere else entirely. I guess that's what I get for marrying someone older who has been married and who has raised a child already. He just isn't on the same schedule.
I suppose I should be ashamed of myself for complaining about work circumstances when so many people are still unemployed, but I'm tired of delaying gratification in my life. I think I'm one of the most patient people I know, but I have my limits too. I'm resentful. And frustrated. And yes, very tired. In fact, so tired that I can't sleep. Funny how that happens.
I've got to shake this bad attitude off. I need to and I'm sure I will. It's just that I'm not myself without a child. I've waited long enough, really, I have. I want to fully realize my potential on this earth.
I need my sleep because I work tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday. Before Monday morning I also have to write two 3 page papers (in APA style, no less) and study for test #2. I'm not motivated. It seems like an insurmountable task. I'm afraid that I might be sabotaging myself, but I see no way to reconcile wants and needs right now. Maybe I shouldn't call it sabotage, maybe it's simply making a choice (one with unattractive consequences). I could live with that if it was my choice to make freely, but it isn't.
My husband is somewhere else entirely. I guess that's what I get for marrying someone older who has been married and who has raised a child already. He just isn't on the same schedule.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
A Prayer
On one of my last nights on the night shift at work a few weeks ago, a coworker (who has the somewhat deserved reputation of being crazy) and I said a prayer for E, my stepdaughter. She had been in the ICU days before.
Perhaps it was the prayer, perhaps it was the natural progression of a life teetering on the edge, but she is back in the hospital, and this time because she voluntarily requested a feeding tube. She wants to be well enough to go to an eating disorder treatment facility that she hasn't been to yet, which sounds promising. She needs to be "medically stable" to attend, which means gaining at least 8 lbs... No easy feat, tube or not, when her mind is torturing her. I wish her well.
We spoke on the phone earlier, and at one point she said, "I hope that if you have a child, that my dad is more emotionally invested in that child, because from a kids' perspective I can tell you that it really hurts that he isn't emotionally involved in my life". Ouch. Have I ever mentioned how glad I am that I'm not a man? Very glad, very very glad. Hy husband tries to be involved, but as I type this, my stepchild is in a room on the telemetry unit that I work on, at the hospital where my husband has worked for the last 15 years, with both a sitter and a security officer posted outside her door. I might also add that my husband oversees the security department, and his ex wife has been complaining to the administration department and his coworkers about the treatment of E... Any sense of privacy was out the window a long time ago.
E doesn't realize that it's hard to go to work in a place where there is no protection of privacy. Friend and foe alike are "up in our business", and it's a heavy burden, even for me. Fielding questions from those who feign concern only to broadcast family matters in their gossip circles is no fun at all. Nor does she understand that her dad, while his heart is absolutely breaking on a daily basis because of her disorder, can't be so emotionally involved that he loses all sense of joy and function in life, which is what her mom has done. It's a difficult, no-win situation...
I meanwhile, need to be successful in school... But it's hard to focus when the drama of her situation takes front and center stage. Some detachment is necessary for survival, as sad as that is.
Perhaps it was the prayer, perhaps it was the natural progression of a life teetering on the edge, but she is back in the hospital, and this time because she voluntarily requested a feeding tube. She wants to be well enough to go to an eating disorder treatment facility that she hasn't been to yet, which sounds promising. She needs to be "medically stable" to attend, which means gaining at least 8 lbs... No easy feat, tube or not, when her mind is torturing her. I wish her well.
We spoke on the phone earlier, and at one point she said, "I hope that if you have a child, that my dad is more emotionally invested in that child, because from a kids' perspective I can tell you that it really hurts that he isn't emotionally involved in my life". Ouch. Have I ever mentioned how glad I am that I'm not a man? Very glad, very very glad. Hy husband tries to be involved, but as I type this, my stepchild is in a room on the telemetry unit that I work on, at the hospital where my husband has worked for the last 15 years, with both a sitter and a security officer posted outside her door. I might also add that my husband oversees the security department, and his ex wife has been complaining to the administration department and his coworkers about the treatment of E... Any sense of privacy was out the window a long time ago.
E doesn't realize that it's hard to go to work in a place where there is no protection of privacy. Friend and foe alike are "up in our business", and it's a heavy burden, even for me. Fielding questions from those who feign concern only to broadcast family matters in their gossip circles is no fun at all. Nor does she understand that her dad, while his heart is absolutely breaking on a daily basis because of her disorder, can't be so emotionally involved that he loses all sense of joy and function in life, which is what her mom has done. It's a difficult, no-win situation...
I meanwhile, need to be successful in school... But it's hard to focus when the drama of her situation takes front and center stage. Some detachment is necessary for survival, as sad as that is.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
State of Mind
Somehow I finished the first semester of the nursing program, working full time. The sad thing is, that although I made it, I am so exhausted from my battles at work that I don't have peace. My employer made things so very difficult for me that it has really left a bad taste in my mouth. Couple that with the way that I observe nurses being treated, and I'm just not sure why I'm doing this.
So I passed the first semester, and am now a few weeks into the second... I aced my first test, but it's hardly comforting. As I sit here typing, I should be on my way to the hospital to select my two patients for tomorrow. I'm just not motivated.
I suppose it would have helped if I had enjoyed my 6 weeks off over winter break, but too many trips to HR at work, and too many uncertainties until the eleventh hour made it tough. Christmas was a bummer, I was so stressed out about everything. My husband and I bought a tree but never got around to decorating it. We didn't even see my stepdaughter until sometime in late January. Her health has been so bad that it's a wonder she is still alive. Her gifts sat in a pile on the floor for weeks, and our phone calls to her went unanswered.
I'm now 35 1/2, less than a month from my first wedding anniversary, and there are no plans for a baby. My husband tells me, "Get through school first". I try to explain to him that time is a luxury that we don't have, but he doesn't get it (doesn't want to get it, I guess). At 50, you would think he'd be a little bit more concerned.
I know that this is all doom and gloom... Fortunately, there have been bright spots over the last few months. My first semester instructor set up a learning experience for me during our last few weeks of class- I got to go into the OR and observe three surgeries. Wow, I think that was the highlight of my year. It was truly amazing. And the anesthesiologist was amazing... He really took me under his wing and made it an incredible learning experience. Funny, I never told my instructor that I've been considering becoming a Nurse Anesthetist, but the experience seemed hand picked for it.
On another positive note, I was accepted into the union-sponsored loan stipend program at work for the duration of the ADN program that I'm enrolled in. This program enables employees to reduce their hours and get paid a stipend equivalent to 8 hours per week. I've reduced from 40 to 20, but will be paid an additional 8 per week... Not bad. There is no limit on the number of times one can take advantage of this benefit, so it's possible that I could utilize it for a BSN and MSN as well. We'll see...
So I passed the first semester, and am now a few weeks into the second... I aced my first test, but it's hardly comforting. As I sit here typing, I should be on my way to the hospital to select my two patients for tomorrow. I'm just not motivated.
I suppose it would have helped if I had enjoyed my 6 weeks off over winter break, but too many trips to HR at work, and too many uncertainties until the eleventh hour made it tough. Christmas was a bummer, I was so stressed out about everything. My husband and I bought a tree but never got around to decorating it. We didn't even see my stepdaughter until sometime in late January. Her health has been so bad that it's a wonder she is still alive. Her gifts sat in a pile on the floor for weeks, and our phone calls to her went unanswered.
I'm now 35 1/2, less than a month from my first wedding anniversary, and there are no plans for a baby. My husband tells me, "Get through school first". I try to explain to him that time is a luxury that we don't have, but he doesn't get it (doesn't want to get it, I guess). At 50, you would think he'd be a little bit more concerned.
I know that this is all doom and gloom... Fortunately, there have been bright spots over the last few months. My first semester instructor set up a learning experience for me during our last few weeks of class- I got to go into the OR and observe three surgeries. Wow, I think that was the highlight of my year. It was truly amazing. And the anesthesiologist was amazing... He really took me under his wing and made it an incredible learning experience. Funny, I never told my instructor that I've been considering becoming a Nurse Anesthetist, but the experience seemed hand picked for it.
On another positive note, I was accepted into the union-sponsored loan stipend program at work for the duration of the ADN program that I'm enrolled in. This program enables employees to reduce their hours and get paid a stipend equivalent to 8 hours per week. I've reduced from 40 to 20, but will be paid an additional 8 per week... Not bad. There is no limit on the number of times one can take advantage of this benefit, so it's possible that I could utilize it for a BSN and MSN as well. We'll see...
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Revisiting Old Sorrows
Every week in the nursing program we do a new "clinical prep"- this involves going to the hospital the day before we will provide care in order to pick a patient and do preparatory work (looking over the orders in the chart as well as researching prescribed medications and reviewing disease pathologies). It's a time consuming process and perhaps the hardest part of my week.
Last week, I picked a patient who had not yet been brought to the unit from the emergency department, so I couldn't peruse the chart noncommittally as I usually do. The assigned nurse was taking report over the phone. I was drawn to this particular patient because the one piece of information that I had- that he had a tracheostomy and was on a vent- sounded like it would make for a good learning experience. So I went into the nurse's lounge to wait out the 20 minutes or so that it would take the RN and ward clerk to gather enough information to put together a rudimentary chart.
After 20 minutes had elapsed, I went back out to the nurse's station, and I could see that it was slow going. The nurse was on the phone with the physician regarding the patient's medications. I toyed with the idea of picking a different patient, but I felt committed, so I retreated to the lounge to wait a while longer.
Finally I was able to get my hands on the chart and began the process of sifting through it for the information that I needed. As I skimmed through a rather lengthy medication list, hastily scrawling as I went, it became ever more clear that it was going to be a long night. Prepping meds can be tedious work, but I was comforted somewhat by the fact that most of the meds would be given by G tube, a skill I enjoy practicing. So I plodded along, until I came across something that stopped me dead in my tracks: Rilutek. This unusual medication has one purpose: delaying the progress of the degenerative motor neuron disease ALS. I know this because ALS took the life of my dad 8 years ago- it is an unkind disease that shows little mercy to its victims. "What are the chances?", I asked myself, as well as, "Can I handle this? Should I pick someone else to care for?"
I can happily report that I did not pick a new patient. The next two days were hard, but I kept myself together and provided the best care that I was able to provide to this man. I did not shed a single tear or feel overwhelmed while in the hospital. I was not preoccupied with memories of my father, nor was I overly detached emotionally. I feel that I handled myself well. Of course, once I was in my car and on the way home at the end of my second and final clinical day with him, I did shed some tears as I remembered my dad. I thought about the cruel course of his illness and the deep, life altering pain that engulfed my entire family for many years.
I am now two weeks from finishing the first semester of the nursing program. It has been difficult. I'm still attempting to work full time, averaging 28 hours per week. I'm still getting little support from my employer regarding my schedule (an ongoing source of frustration and something I don't wish to recount here). The important thing, though, is that I'm surviving. It is tough and it is certainly taking a toll on my health and well being, but I have done it. I guess I shouldn't count my chickens yet, but I'm feeling very proud of myself. Although it's bittersweet in light of the emotional ups and downs that I am put through, it's a victory.
Last week, I picked a patient who had not yet been brought to the unit from the emergency department, so I couldn't peruse the chart noncommittally as I usually do. The assigned nurse was taking report over the phone. I was drawn to this particular patient because the one piece of information that I had- that he had a tracheostomy and was on a vent- sounded like it would make for a good learning experience. So I went into the nurse's lounge to wait out the 20 minutes or so that it would take the RN and ward clerk to gather enough information to put together a rudimentary chart.
After 20 minutes had elapsed, I went back out to the nurse's station, and I could see that it was slow going. The nurse was on the phone with the physician regarding the patient's medications. I toyed with the idea of picking a different patient, but I felt committed, so I retreated to the lounge to wait a while longer.
Finally I was able to get my hands on the chart and began the process of sifting through it for the information that I needed. As I skimmed through a rather lengthy medication list, hastily scrawling as I went, it became ever more clear that it was going to be a long night. Prepping meds can be tedious work, but I was comforted somewhat by the fact that most of the meds would be given by G tube, a skill I enjoy practicing. So I plodded along, until I came across something that stopped me dead in my tracks: Rilutek. This unusual medication has one purpose: delaying the progress of the degenerative motor neuron disease ALS. I know this because ALS took the life of my dad 8 years ago- it is an unkind disease that shows little mercy to its victims. "What are the chances?", I asked myself, as well as, "Can I handle this? Should I pick someone else to care for?"
I can happily report that I did not pick a new patient. The next two days were hard, but I kept myself together and provided the best care that I was able to provide to this man. I did not shed a single tear or feel overwhelmed while in the hospital. I was not preoccupied with memories of my father, nor was I overly detached emotionally. I feel that I handled myself well. Of course, once I was in my car and on the way home at the end of my second and final clinical day with him, I did shed some tears as I remembered my dad. I thought about the cruel course of his illness and the deep, life altering pain that engulfed my entire family for many years.
I am now two weeks from finishing the first semester of the nursing program. It has been difficult. I'm still attempting to work full time, averaging 28 hours per week. I'm still getting little support from my employer regarding my schedule (an ongoing source of frustration and something I don't wish to recount here). The important thing, though, is that I'm surviving. It is tough and it is certainly taking a toll on my health and well being, but I have done it. I guess I shouldn't count my chickens yet, but I'm feeling very proud of myself. Although it's bittersweet in light of the emotional ups and downs that I am put through, it's a victory.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Introducing... The Nursing Student
Blogging has taken a back seat to school lately. In fact, the only reason why I have *time* to blog right now is because I'm waiting for my dinner to cook! Usually, I'd be eating with my hubby, but he's out of town for a conference. I hope he's having a good time!
I'm tentatively planning to go in to work tonight, so I've got to get some sleep, but first I need to eat some real food. Tomorrow is my crazy day- I'll leave work early, then spend 12 straight hours on campus (the first 8 in skills lab, followed by a 4 hour class). Can I do it?? Yes, at this point I can!
My employer has been absolutely terrible these past few weeks. To call it a nightmare is to be too kind. But I have a plan, so I'm not going to worry about it. I will get through this program, and I will continue to pay my share of the mortgage. It's going to work out.
I had an exam today, and pulled off my second solid 'B' in the class. Not my best work, but good enough, especially as many of my fellow students struggle to pass. It's ok!
My Oregon trip before beginning the semester was fantastic. Between seeing Garrison Keillor perform live, river rafting, walking the quaint towns of Jacksonville and Ashland, working on my Airstream, eating amazing meals, and spending time with my girls (my mom and sis), it could not have been better!
I feel great about my life right now. It isn't perfect, but things are working, and I'm advancing! I am filled with peace and contentment, despite irritations such as the situation at work. I feel unshakable. I sure hope this feeling lasts!
I'm tentatively planning to go in to work tonight, so I've got to get some sleep, but first I need to eat some real food. Tomorrow is my crazy day- I'll leave work early, then spend 12 straight hours on campus (the first 8 in skills lab, followed by a 4 hour class). Can I do it?? Yes, at this point I can!
My employer has been absolutely terrible these past few weeks. To call it a nightmare is to be too kind. But I have a plan, so I'm not going to worry about it. I will get through this program, and I will continue to pay my share of the mortgage. It's going to work out.
I had an exam today, and pulled off my second solid 'B' in the class. Not my best work, but good enough, especially as many of my fellow students struggle to pass. It's ok!
My Oregon trip before beginning the semester was fantastic. Between seeing Garrison Keillor perform live, river rafting, walking the quaint towns of Jacksonville and Ashland, working on my Airstream, eating amazing meals, and spending time with my girls (my mom and sis), it could not have been better!
I feel great about my life right now. It isn't perfect, but things are working, and I'm advancing! I am filled with peace and contentment, despite irritations such as the situation at work. I feel unshakable. I sure hope this feeling lasts!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Miscellaneous Stuff
Miscellaneous Item #1: The Micro Exam. Somehow, I earned another 'A'. Yay for that, because I didn't feel like I had mastered the material ahead of time. Once again, I felt really good about the basics but not the details. My studying was apparently successful, however, so I'm moving on to focusing entirely on my nursing texts these last few weeks before the semester starts.
Item #2: Diet. I have a lot of product left over from when I attempted Optifast before my wedding, and it's expensive... Not one to like to see things go to waste, I've decided to use it up and see if I can lose some weight in the process. Since I had a "last hurrah" with the pastries from King's Hawaiian last week, I feel ready. It's now day 5 on approximately 800 calories per day, and so far so good. I suppose I shouldn't be doing it on my own (it's supposed to be medically supervised), but there weren't any issues last time around. Also, I'm modifying the diet by adding/substituting vegetables... and I know that I need to be aware of and heed any warning signs that my electrolytes are out of balance. Hey, I work on a tele floor... I know exactly how different electrolyte imbalances affect the heart. It's my area of expertise! So I'm not too worried about that.
Item #3: California City. Yesterday, the LA Times featured a story on a planned development in Kern County that never materialized. It's way out beyond Palmdale/Lancaster, in the brutally hot and unforgiving desert. The developer was sure it would be the next big thing, so there are acres of roads and utilities but no homes. An architect quoted in the article called it a great folly, and I suppose it is... But as I read the article, I immediately thought of my Airstream. Isn't this exactly what I've been talking about?! Inexpensive land (with utilities, no less) where I can park the Airstream? Lots can be had for as little as $2500. Perhaps it's crazy, but I'm intrigued. It's about a 2 1/2 hour drive from my home, but that sure beats the 13 hour drive to Oregon. And while I don't exactly love the heat and barrenness of the desert, there is something compelling about it. If nothing else, it's a great place for stargazing. I can imagine placing one of those easily fabricated metal garages on a lot with city utilities. The Airstream would be secure from theft and vandalism, and my husband and I could camp there and work on restoration on occasion. It's not something I can realistically do right now, but I like the idea. The longer the Airstream sits in rainy Oregon, the more abuse it will suffer. A sad fate for an American icon. I wonder how much property taxes are in California City? It can't be much.
Item #2: Diet. I have a lot of product left over from when I attempted Optifast before my wedding, and it's expensive... Not one to like to see things go to waste, I've decided to use it up and see if I can lose some weight in the process. Since I had a "last hurrah" with the pastries from King's Hawaiian last week, I feel ready. It's now day 5 on approximately 800 calories per day, and so far so good. I suppose I shouldn't be doing it on my own (it's supposed to be medically supervised), but there weren't any issues last time around. Also, I'm modifying the diet by adding/substituting vegetables... and I know that I need to be aware of and heed any warning signs that my electrolytes are out of balance. Hey, I work on a tele floor... I know exactly how different electrolyte imbalances affect the heart. It's my area of expertise! So I'm not too worried about that.
Item #3: California City. Yesterday, the LA Times featured a story on a planned development in Kern County that never materialized. It's way out beyond Palmdale/Lancaster, in the brutally hot and unforgiving desert. The developer was sure it would be the next big thing, so there are acres of roads and utilities but no homes. An architect quoted in the article called it a great folly, and I suppose it is... But as I read the article, I immediately thought of my Airstream. Isn't this exactly what I've been talking about?! Inexpensive land (with utilities, no less) where I can park the Airstream? Lots can be had for as little as $2500. Perhaps it's crazy, but I'm intrigued. It's about a 2 1/2 hour drive from my home, but that sure beats the 13 hour drive to Oregon. And while I don't exactly love the heat and barrenness of the desert, there is something compelling about it. If nothing else, it's a great place for stargazing. I can imagine placing one of those easily fabricated metal garages on a lot with city utilities. The Airstream would be secure from theft and vandalism, and my husband and I could camp there and work on restoration on occasion. It's not something I can realistically do right now, but I like the idea. The longer the Airstream sits in rainy Oregon, the more abuse it will suffer. A sad fate for an American icon. I wonder how much property taxes are in California City? It can't be much.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Still Waiting
I haven't heard if I've been approved for the union-sponsored loan stipend program yet. This program reduces an employees' hours from 40 to 32, while maintaining their full-time status and pay. What a gift that would be!
As of right now, I am planning to continue as a full-time night shift Monitor Technician. Financially, it isn't feasible to do otherwise. I can't imagine that I won't be able to do both, simply because my job is so uninvolved. There is a lot of down-time during which I can (and do) study.
Today I submitted a request for schedule change to the staffing office. I'm requesting to waive my alternating weekends off and instead have Wednesday and Thursday nights off each week. This is imperative for me to make it to clinicals on time Thursday and Friday mornings (I'll need to be there around 6:00 am- normally I don't get off from work until 8:00 am). If I'm approved for the loan stipend program, I will also take Sunday nights off.
Either way, it's going to be tough, but it's doable. I need to maintain my full time status because it enables me to make the second mortgage on our house (in addition to all my other miscellaneous bills). If I went to part-time, not only would I lose hours but I would lose my benefits... Benefits that, because I'm insured through my husband, I'm able to waive for a 20% increase in pay. That 20%, along with the shift differential that I get by working nights, really makes a difference.
Going to part-time would place a huge financial burden on my husband, who already pays the bulk of our expenses. So it's a no-go.
My fingers are crossed about the loan stipend program and the requested schedule change. So far in this process, everything has been falling into place, so I'm cautiously optimistic that it will work out.. But I know there's no guarantee.
I've definitely been feeling the stress of the uncertainty these last few weeks. I've even taken the step of restarting one of the antidepressant medications that I gave up last year in order to prepare for the possibility of becoming pregnant. Since that's on the back burner for now, it seemed like a good idea to restart. I've been so conflicted about delaying conception of a child even longer, not to mention conflicted about the idea of being a nursing student again, some 14 years after not completing a similar program. I found my emotional stability was starting to slip, and I can't let that happen. Perhaps it's the placebo effect, but one week into the new medication regimen, I feel much better. I'm thankful for that.
This is a trying time, but also an exciting one. Knowing that this journey will be tough and will require stamina and sacrifice adds to the thrill of it. I don't like an unending daily grind... I need to be stimulated with challenges, I need to be working towards goals. Ultimately this is going to be very, very good for me!
As of right now, I am planning to continue as a full-time night shift Monitor Technician. Financially, it isn't feasible to do otherwise. I can't imagine that I won't be able to do both, simply because my job is so uninvolved. There is a lot of down-time during which I can (and do) study.
Today I submitted a request for schedule change to the staffing office. I'm requesting to waive my alternating weekends off and instead have Wednesday and Thursday nights off each week. This is imperative for me to make it to clinicals on time Thursday and Friday mornings (I'll need to be there around 6:00 am- normally I don't get off from work until 8:00 am). If I'm approved for the loan stipend program, I will also take Sunday nights off.
Either way, it's going to be tough, but it's doable. I need to maintain my full time status because it enables me to make the second mortgage on our house (in addition to all my other miscellaneous bills). If I went to part-time, not only would I lose hours but I would lose my benefits... Benefits that, because I'm insured through my husband, I'm able to waive for a 20% increase in pay. That 20%, along with the shift differential that I get by working nights, really makes a difference.
Going to part-time would place a huge financial burden on my husband, who already pays the bulk of our expenses. So it's a no-go.
My fingers are crossed about the loan stipend program and the requested schedule change. So far in this process, everything has been falling into place, so I'm cautiously optimistic that it will work out.. But I know there's no guarantee.
I've definitely been feeling the stress of the uncertainty these last few weeks. I've even taken the step of restarting one of the antidepressant medications that I gave up last year in order to prepare for the possibility of becoming pregnant. Since that's on the back burner for now, it seemed like a good idea to restart. I've been so conflicted about delaying conception of a child even longer, not to mention conflicted about the idea of being a nursing student again, some 14 years after not completing a similar program. I found my emotional stability was starting to slip, and I can't let that happen. Perhaps it's the placebo effect, but one week into the new medication regimen, I feel much better. I'm thankful for that.
This is a trying time, but also an exciting one. Knowing that this journey will be tough and will require stamina and sacrifice adds to the thrill of it. I don't like an unending daily grind... I need to be stimulated with challenges, I need to be working towards goals. Ultimately this is going to be very, very good for me!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Serendipity
This morning after work I had to stop off at my doctor's office to pick up the form she completed after conducting my Physical Exam for the Nursing Program. I had the PE last week, but she needed some lead time to fill it out properly. I'm never in the mood to run errands after work, but the thought of having the form in my possession and being that much closer to ticking another item off of my pre-school checklist got the best of me. And maybe I was in a pretty good mood to start with this morning... I found out my request for two vacation days (for the trip to Oregon) was approved. That in and of itself is a very good thing, since I already have a plane ticket!
So off to the doctor's office I went, and lucky for me it was uneventful. I didn't have to wait long in the waiting area, and once I had the form in my possession, I carefully looked it over and it seems to be filled out properly. Oh happy day (the Nursing instructors were very particular about this at the orientation for the program- they must have devoted a full hour to the topic!).
I hopped in my car and was cruising along uneventfully when suddenly it occurred to me that I would be driving right past King's Hawaiian Bakery & Restaurant. I contemplated stopping, but wasn't sure... Then the light turned red at the street you turn in on, and my decision was made (and this was my serendipitous moment- for my heart if not for my waistline!). I pulled into the parking lot, scampered into the bakery, and got lost in the heaven in front of me for several minutes. Finally, I made my selection, paid at the register, scampered back out to my car, and headed for home.
I couldn't resist pulling out my treats along the way, and I must say I chose well! The grand prize: A walnut roll. Think flaky crust, gooey honey, and a generous pile of chopped nuts bedded into the layers. Mmmmmm! The perfect sticky, sweet concoction. I also had an impossibly moist muffin... Yum! The best part, perhaps, was the goofy smile I couldn't erase from my face, the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth and wouldn't go away. I'm not sure if the smile had more to do with the joy of an unexpected treat or the mischievous feeling that swept over me, knowing that my husband would not approve. I suspect it was a combination of the two... Shame on me!
So off to the doctor's office I went, and lucky for me it was uneventful. I didn't have to wait long in the waiting area, and once I had the form in my possession, I carefully looked it over and it seems to be filled out properly. Oh happy day (the Nursing instructors were very particular about this at the orientation for the program- they must have devoted a full hour to the topic!).
I hopped in my car and was cruising along uneventfully when suddenly it occurred to me that I would be driving right past King's Hawaiian Bakery & Restaurant. I contemplated stopping, but wasn't sure... Then the light turned red at the street you turn in on, and my decision was made (and this was my serendipitous moment- for my heart if not for my waistline!). I pulled into the parking lot, scampered into the bakery, and got lost in the heaven in front of me for several minutes. Finally, I made my selection, paid at the register, scampered back out to my car, and headed for home.
I couldn't resist pulling out my treats along the way, and I must say I chose well! The grand prize: A walnut roll. Think flaky crust, gooey honey, and a generous pile of chopped nuts bedded into the layers. Mmmmmm! The perfect sticky, sweet concoction. I also had an impossibly moist muffin... Yum! The best part, perhaps, was the goofy smile I couldn't erase from my face, the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth and wouldn't go away. I'm not sure if the smile had more to do with the joy of an unexpected treat or the mischievous feeling that swept over me, knowing that my husband would not approve. I suspect it was a combination of the two... Shame on me!
Hoarding
Hoarding: What is it, exactly? When I tire of studying or staring at the heart monitors at work, I fish around and can usually find a magazine or two that the day shift staff has left behind. My latest read, a few days ago, was a Time Magazine piece about hoarding. I had to read it, because my husband is convinced that I'm a hoarder.
Apparently, there are a few cable TV shows on the air right now that are devoted to the issue, and per the magazine article, there is a push among psychiatric professionals for hoarding to become an official diagnosis in the DSM. Fascinating stuff.
I don't consider myself to be afflicted with this disorder (officially recognized as such or not), but I do have a hard time letting go sometimes. I don't have sky-high piles of papers stacked around the house, nor do I collect trash... Well... Actually, I do have a few small stacks of magazines and books on the floor in the two spare bedrooms, and I have a really hard time disposing of receipts, but that's less due to some weird emotional attachment and more because I want to compare them with my bank statements and make sure everything checks out. Eventually. When I have the time to get around to it. As for the magazine articles, I just hate to see valuable information go to waste. Who knows, one of those recipes in a Sunset magazine might just become my signature dish (if I ever really take up cooking in earnest).
So ok, maybe I do have a problem!
Apparently, there are a few cable TV shows on the air right now that are devoted to the issue, and per the magazine article, there is a push among psychiatric professionals for hoarding to become an official diagnosis in the DSM. Fascinating stuff.
I don't consider myself to be afflicted with this disorder (officially recognized as such or not), but I do have a hard time letting go sometimes. I don't have sky-high piles of papers stacked around the house, nor do I collect trash... Well... Actually, I do have a few small stacks of magazines and books on the floor in the two spare bedrooms, and I have a really hard time disposing of receipts, but that's less due to some weird emotional attachment and more because I want to compare them with my bank statements and make sure everything checks out. Eventually. When I have the time to get around to it. As for the magazine articles, I just hate to see valuable information go to waste. Who knows, one of those recipes in a Sunset magazine might just become my signature dish (if I ever really take up cooking in earnest).
So ok, maybe I do have a problem!
Hula Hooping For What Ails Ya
I'm excited. I've been coveting an ice-cream maker (currently on sale at Williams-Sonoma) but my husband has pretty much vetoed the idea... Can't say I blame him. He doesn't eat desserts-- yes, seriously. No wonder he's so trim. Plus he worries about my health. I do, too. But I got a refund for something last week, so I've been in a "spendy" mood... If not the ice cream maker, then what? (Weird how that works- I don't have any extra money, not really, but getting the refund made me feel suddenly wealthy). Anyhow, I finally settled on something to buy- a weighted hula hoop! Yee ha! Let the good times roll!
It all started on a mother-daughter weekend a few years back. We went to Ojai. We were sitting in the park, enjoying live musicians, when suddenly a group of women wheeled out a giant cart laden with what appeared to be home-made hula hoops. They started dancing with them, and it was quite a sight. Before long, hula hoops were flying off the cart, as men, women, and kids got in on the action. I must say, I was mesmerized! Later that day, I purchased a hula hoop from the local toy store (one of those tiny, bean-filled numbers with the pink stripes), but found it impossible to keep up on my hips.
I was determined, however. As soon as the trip was over, I got to work researching on the internet, and discovered that there's an entire movement of adults hula hooping for fitness and fun- it's called "hoop dancing." Awesome! Apparently, the child hoops are too small and light to be of much use for an adult. I bulked mine up with layers of duct-tape, and it helped, but it was still not very effective. So I kept searching the web and soon I found instructions on a website called "Jason Unbound" for making an adult sized hoop. I immediately went out and bought supplies, including a jumbo roll of irrigation tubing and colorful electrical tape, but I couldn't find one key piece (a plastic coupling that holds the two ends of the tubing together). So for many months now, the supplies have sat in the garage, gathering dust and undoubtedly annoying my ever-patient husband.
Yesterday, I decided it was time to make the hoops (I have enough tubing for eight of them!). I got on the internet and found a source for the couplings. They're 65 cents each- what a deal! But shipping on my order was going to run $10. So I moused on over to Amazon, and found a nifty weighted model in rainbow colors for $29. I still plan to make my own, but I refuse to pay exorbitant shipping fees--- I'll find a local source for the couplings. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to the joy of hooping, and maybe toning my tummy in the process (it's quite the workout, believe it or not!).
It all started on a mother-daughter weekend a few years back. We went to Ojai. We were sitting in the park, enjoying live musicians, when suddenly a group of women wheeled out a giant cart laden with what appeared to be home-made hula hoops. They started dancing with them, and it was quite a sight. Before long, hula hoops were flying off the cart, as men, women, and kids got in on the action. I must say, I was mesmerized! Later that day, I purchased a hula hoop from the local toy store (one of those tiny, bean-filled numbers with the pink stripes), but found it impossible to keep up on my hips.
I was determined, however. As soon as the trip was over, I got to work researching on the internet, and discovered that there's an entire movement of adults hula hooping for fitness and fun- it's called "hoop dancing." Awesome! Apparently, the child hoops are too small and light to be of much use for an adult. I bulked mine up with layers of duct-tape, and it helped, but it was still not very effective. So I kept searching the web and soon I found instructions on a website called "Jason Unbound" for making an adult sized hoop. I immediately went out and bought supplies, including a jumbo roll of irrigation tubing and colorful electrical tape, but I couldn't find one key piece (a plastic coupling that holds the two ends of the tubing together). So for many months now, the supplies have sat in the garage, gathering dust and undoubtedly annoying my ever-patient husband.
Yesterday, I decided it was time to make the hoops (I have enough tubing for eight of them!). I got on the internet and found a source for the couplings. They're 65 cents each- what a deal! But shipping on my order was going to run $10. So I moused on over to Amazon, and found a nifty weighted model in rainbow colors for $29. I still plan to make my own, but I refuse to pay exorbitant shipping fees--- I'll find a local source for the couplings. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to the joy of hooping, and maybe toning my tummy in the process (it's quite the workout, believe it or not!).
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Pre-School Freak Out?
So as the weeks tick by and the impending semester approaches ever more rapidly, I have to ask myself, "Am I freaking out?"!
Maybe. It seems like when I go online these days, I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at parcels of land upon which I can park my Airstream trailer (which, I must confess, has barely registered a mental blip for the past several years, and now suddenly seems vitally important to my overall well-being).
Clearly I'm getting distracted from reality, so what gives?
It is definitely school. It's something I just don't want to do right now. I look around at the nurses I work with, and I can't say that I'm at all excited. Post RN studies do excite me, but what I observe on a daily basis really isn't the end all to be all. I'm worried that I won't be able to stomach it for two years. It seems like drudgery... But I can't get past it unless I jump in with both feet.
I'm glad I gave City Planning a whirl... It's something I thought I'd be good at, but I was SO wrong... I don't have a political bone in my body. My brain was suited for it, but my personality wasn't. Sadly, I think that's the reality for a lot of things that interest me- my personality doesn't gel. I wish it did sometimes, but I am who I am. There's no changing that.
Case in point: I've always day dreamed about being an entrepreneur. I'm not averse to hard work, especially if the overall vision that directs me is internally derived. But so much of entrepreneurship is the give and take that occurs with clients, AKA "People Pleasing"... Something that frankly bores me most of the time.
Entry level nursing seems to require a lot of this sort of thing... God help me! I can do it, but it isn't who I am. It will be a stretch.
Maybe. It seems like when I go online these days, I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at parcels of land upon which I can park my Airstream trailer (which, I must confess, has barely registered a mental blip for the past several years, and now suddenly seems vitally important to my overall well-being).
Clearly I'm getting distracted from reality, so what gives?
It is definitely school. It's something I just don't want to do right now. I look around at the nurses I work with, and I can't say that I'm at all excited. Post RN studies do excite me, but what I observe on a daily basis really isn't the end all to be all. I'm worried that I won't be able to stomach it for two years. It seems like drudgery... But I can't get past it unless I jump in with both feet.
I'm glad I gave City Planning a whirl... It's something I thought I'd be good at, but I was SO wrong... I don't have a political bone in my body. My brain was suited for it, but my personality wasn't. Sadly, I think that's the reality for a lot of things that interest me- my personality doesn't gel. I wish it did sometimes, but I am who I am. There's no changing that.
Case in point: I've always day dreamed about being an entrepreneur. I'm not averse to hard work, especially if the overall vision that directs me is internally derived. But so much of entrepreneurship is the give and take that occurs with clients, AKA "People Pleasing"... Something that frankly bores me most of the time.
Entry level nursing seems to require a lot of this sort of thing... God help me! I can do it, but it isn't who I am. It will be a stretch.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Airstream on the Brain
In approximately 3 weeks, I'll be taking a trip with my sister to visit our mom in Oregon. I can't wait! I haven't had a trip in such a loooong time. Before we bought our house, my husband and I would occasionally take little mini-trips with our dogs to fun places like Santa Barbara... We did it in part to get away from a loud upstairs neighbor. These days, we have quiet and serenity in abundance... Our home is a wonderful retreat, and neither one of us has been particularly motivated to get away... That is, until now!
Knowing that I'm less than a month away from starting the nursing program has renewed my desire to take a vacation-- I have to do it while I can.
The reason my sister and I are heading up to Oregon is to attend a live showing of Garrison Keillor's "A Prairie Home Companion" with our mother.... All three of us are public radio fans and occasional listeners of the program, so when our mom found out that the the show would be taping at the outdoor concert venue not far from where she lives, she couldn't resist the opportunity to get tickets. Awesome!
A fringe benefit is that I get to visit my Airstream trailer. I'm so excited! I just spent $250 at Vintage Trailer Supply for "weather tighting" supplies, including silicone window glazing, two replacement window operators, and two ceiling vent covers. I don't know when I'll have time to work on it in the few days that I'll be there, but I'll do my best to make time!
Knowing that I'm less than a month away from starting the nursing program has renewed my desire to take a vacation-- I have to do it while I can.
The reason my sister and I are heading up to Oregon is to attend a live showing of Garrison Keillor's "A Prairie Home Companion" with our mother.... All three of us are public radio fans and occasional listeners of the program, so when our mom found out that the the show would be taping at the outdoor concert venue not far from where she lives, she couldn't resist the opportunity to get tickets. Awesome!
A fringe benefit is that I get to visit my Airstream trailer. I'm so excited! I just spent $250 at Vintage Trailer Supply for "weather tighting" supplies, including silicone window glazing, two replacement window operators, and two ceiling vent covers. I don't know when I'll have time to work on it in the few days that I'll be there, but I'll do my best to make time!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Moving Forward
I've been taking my time with getting my name changed... But yesterday a certified copy of my marriage license arrived in the mail, so I'm just a few steps away from my new name (better start practicing my new signature!).
In order to request a copy of my marriage license, I had to first fill out a proof of identity form and get it notarized... Sheesh! A lot of work! Next step: Social Security... Then the DMV. Good times.
Apparently the name change process pre-911 was a lot simpler (it didn't require the notarized certificate of identity). That's ok... I'm not complaining. Not exactly, anyway.
Tonight is my last night of work, then tomorrow I have an all day class (work related, and taught by my husband- woo hoo!). The class should be finished before 3 pm, so with any luck, I'll have time to get to the local social security office before they close at 4 pm.
I had my physical for the nursing program earlier in the week, so that's moving along... And I'm two thirds done with my micro reading, so that's good. Things are on pace in my life.
I'm still having major fluctuations in attitude and emotions regarding nursing... I wish I could fast forward through the next two years. I hate the politics that accompany being a student in a program like nursing. I'll need to brush up on my "Yes, M'am" skills (i.e. being graceful in the face of constructive criticism). Like many women, I bristle under the authority of other women at times. Hopefully the instructors in the program will be cool. Working in a hospital, I have observed that plenty of individuals on power trips enter the profession of Nursing. It does not consist solely of tender hearted women (and men) who live to serve others. Which is a good thing... Balance is important! The problem is that sometimes the extremely unbalanced, power hungry end up in critically important positions. Some of them end up as instructors, undoubtedly. The program I'm about to start has an excellent reputation and fabulous board passage rates, so I should probably quit worrying... Easier said than done.
In other news, I've been thinking a lot about my 1957 Airstream Overlander lately. In August, I'll be visiting my mom in Oregon for a few days, which is where the trailer is being stored... Already I'm thinking about projects I can attend to while I'm there. Like replacing the weather stripping around the windows. Can't wait!
I wish I could bring the Airstream home and park it in the driveway... But my husband refuses. Another option is to buy an inexpensive piece of land in a scenic locale (somewhere closer than Oregon!) and use it as a getaway cabin. That's what the prior owner did with it until they were ready to build a permanent lakefront cabin in Montana. My husband thinks it's a crazy idea. Yeah, I suppose so. But I love it! Someday, I will attend Aistream rallies and travel the country! Someday it will be fixed up as the perfect vintage retreat, the aluminum skin polished to a mirror finish. Oooh... Someday!
In order to request a copy of my marriage license, I had to first fill out a proof of identity form and get it notarized... Sheesh! A lot of work! Next step: Social Security... Then the DMV. Good times.
Apparently the name change process pre-911 was a lot simpler (it didn't require the notarized certificate of identity). That's ok... I'm not complaining. Not exactly, anyway.
Tonight is my last night of work, then tomorrow I have an all day class (work related, and taught by my husband- woo hoo!). The class should be finished before 3 pm, so with any luck, I'll have time to get to the local social security office before they close at 4 pm.
I had my physical for the nursing program earlier in the week, so that's moving along... And I'm two thirds done with my micro reading, so that's good. Things are on pace in my life.
I'm still having major fluctuations in attitude and emotions regarding nursing... I wish I could fast forward through the next two years. I hate the politics that accompany being a student in a program like nursing. I'll need to brush up on my "Yes, M'am" skills (i.e. being graceful in the face of constructive criticism). Like many women, I bristle under the authority of other women at times. Hopefully the instructors in the program will be cool. Working in a hospital, I have observed that plenty of individuals on power trips enter the profession of Nursing. It does not consist solely of tender hearted women (and men) who live to serve others. Which is a good thing... Balance is important! The problem is that sometimes the extremely unbalanced, power hungry end up in critically important positions. Some of them end up as instructors, undoubtedly. The program I'm about to start has an excellent reputation and fabulous board passage rates, so I should probably quit worrying... Easier said than done.
In other news, I've been thinking a lot about my 1957 Airstream Overlander lately. In August, I'll be visiting my mom in Oregon for a few days, which is where the trailer is being stored... Already I'm thinking about projects I can attend to while I'm there. Like replacing the weather stripping around the windows. Can't wait!
I wish I could bring the Airstream home and park it in the driveway... But my husband refuses. Another option is to buy an inexpensive piece of land in a scenic locale (somewhere closer than Oregon!) and use it as a getaway cabin. That's what the prior owner did with it until they were ready to build a permanent lakefront cabin in Montana. My husband thinks it's a crazy idea. Yeah, I suppose so. But I love it! Someday, I will attend Aistream rallies and travel the country! Someday it will be fixed up as the perfect vintage retreat, the aluminum skin polished to a mirror finish. Oooh... Someday!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tired
Today I received an email from my little brother. I wrote to him recently to wish him a happy birthday, but I wasn't sure my email had been received. It was wonderful hearing from him, but draining, too- not because of who he is (he's a great young man who I'm sure will accomplish great things in life!), but because of our shared loss.
My brother was born shortly after I graduated from high school, and is now a teenager. We share the same dad. Sadly, our dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease when my brother was just a little boy, shortly after his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.
His mom was born and raised in Sweden, and out of concern that her only child could very well end up an orphan, decided to return there with him, where he would have the love and support of her family. My dad moved there as well, and lived there for approximately two years before losing the battle with ALS.
I love my brother, but reminders of my dad put me in such a state. Most of the time, I am fine, but today I made the mistake of reading through some emails written around the time he died. It has been nearly 8 years.
It is my great hope that the losses I've experienced will inform the way that I care for my patients as a nurse. I believe that they will, but I also believe that nursing will be an emotionally draining profession for me. I have great capacity for empathy- this is a blessing, but could also prove to be an occupational hazard!
I need to find a specialty in nursing that doesn't leave me perpetually broken down. I refuse to become hardened, but I will not be successful without some emotional distance.
My brother was born shortly after I graduated from high school, and is now a teenager. We share the same dad. Sadly, our dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease when my brother was just a little boy, shortly after his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.
His mom was born and raised in Sweden, and out of concern that her only child could very well end up an orphan, decided to return there with him, where he would have the love and support of her family. My dad moved there as well, and lived there for approximately two years before losing the battle with ALS.
I love my brother, but reminders of my dad put me in such a state. Most of the time, I am fine, but today I made the mistake of reading through some emails written around the time he died. It has been nearly 8 years.
It is my great hope that the losses I've experienced will inform the way that I care for my patients as a nurse. I believe that they will, but I also believe that nursing will be an emotionally draining profession for me. I have great capacity for empathy- this is a blessing, but could also prove to be an occupational hazard!
I need to find a specialty in nursing that doesn't leave me perpetually broken down. I refuse to become hardened, but I will not be successful without some emotional distance.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Feelin' Groovy
Ok... So it's approx. 1 am and I should be sleeping, BUT since I'm normally at work at this hour, I don't feel tired. That's the problem with working nights. I get totally discombobulated! Days off are almost more trouble than they're worth. Oh wait-- did I just write that?? I don't mean it! I love days off! I just wish sometimes that I could be on a normal schedule. Someday...
Yesterday I had my exam for Anatomy and Physiology (taken through Excelsior College). It was conducted at a Pearson Vue testing center, just like my National Registry EMT exam a few weeks ago. Man, I am getting way too familiar with that place :)
I signed up for the A&P class about five months ago... Before I'd been accepted into the local Nursing Program. Since my science prereqs are positively ancient at this point, many schools will no longer accept them (most schools have a 5 year limit, which makes sense but was really discouraging to me). For years now, I've had an on again, off again interest in the Accelerated BSN offered at Mount St. Mary's College in LA. I've attended a few information sessions, and through that process learned about Excelsior. The Mount (and some other colleges as well) will allow students whose Anatomy, Physiology, and Microbiology are more than five years old to get current credit for them by taking examinations through Excelsior College.
Easy enough, right? Sure! So I signed up and paid my fees and began reviewing the material. Then signed up for my EMT class and got busy with that, then learned I'd been accepted into the RN program (thus no longer needed to worry about the old prereqs). Aw, shucks. What to do now? I called the school about getting a refund, but I would have received only 50% of my fees back, so I decided to proceed. I scheduled the A&P for yesterday, and the Micro for the absolute last day I can test (they give you approx. 6 months after you register and pay your fees to get it done). So Micro will be mid-August... Yikes! I'm more nervous about that one.
Anyway, since I hadn't done a lot of studying once I enrolled in the EMT class, I was pretty nervous. My previous "studying" had for the most part consisted of coloring in a Physiology coloring book with colored pencils during quiet nights at work... And I did that somewhat mindlessly! I didn't read the accompanying text or study the pages. A few days ago, I pulled my old Physiology textbook off the shelf and was shocked to discover how much I'd forgotten over the years. Not the major concepts, those are pretty solid in my mind, but oh, the intricacies... So many details!
The exam was hard- 160 questions. They were multiple choice, but there were no giveaways. My expectations after almost two hours of testing were not high. I hoped I passed. A letter grade is assigned based upon exam performance, and I figured I may (if I was lucky) have earned myself a 'B'. Imagine my surprise when I received my printout... An 'A'!!!! Hooray for A's! I guess I need to start giving myself more credit!
Next up: Micro. This will be more challenging, since I sold back the textbook long ago. How will I prepare? I have the book "Clinical Microbiology Made Ridiculously Simple" (I purchased it shortly after signing up for the exam), but it isn't comparable to a textbook at all. It's very much a clinician's guide. What to do? I may have to shell out some more money and get another book. I have approximately 3 1/2 weeks to study, however... So maybe it would be foolish to get a book that I won't have time to really delve into. I've also been doing a lot of reading ahead in my nursing text, and I plan to keep up with that. I'm challenging myself to the max right now with all the reading... But it doesn't begin to compare to the time I spent as a student at Cal-- I read hundreds of pages a day for two years straight! No joke! I guess I can handle the next 3 1/2 weeks! And the two years that follow!
Yesterday I had my exam for Anatomy and Physiology (taken through Excelsior College). It was conducted at a Pearson Vue testing center, just like my National Registry EMT exam a few weeks ago. Man, I am getting way too familiar with that place :)
I signed up for the A&P class about five months ago... Before I'd been accepted into the local Nursing Program. Since my science prereqs are positively ancient at this point, many schools will no longer accept them (most schools have a 5 year limit, which makes sense but was really discouraging to me). For years now, I've had an on again, off again interest in the Accelerated BSN offered at Mount St. Mary's College in LA. I've attended a few information sessions, and through that process learned about Excelsior. The Mount (and some other colleges as well) will allow students whose Anatomy, Physiology, and Microbiology are more than five years old to get current credit for them by taking examinations through Excelsior College.
Easy enough, right? Sure! So I signed up and paid my fees and began reviewing the material. Then signed up for my EMT class and got busy with that, then learned I'd been accepted into the RN program (thus no longer needed to worry about the old prereqs). Aw, shucks. What to do now? I called the school about getting a refund, but I would have received only 50% of my fees back, so I decided to proceed. I scheduled the A&P for yesterday, and the Micro for the absolute last day I can test (they give you approx. 6 months after you register and pay your fees to get it done). So Micro will be mid-August... Yikes! I'm more nervous about that one.
Anyway, since I hadn't done a lot of studying once I enrolled in the EMT class, I was pretty nervous. My previous "studying" had for the most part consisted of coloring in a Physiology coloring book with colored pencils during quiet nights at work... And I did that somewhat mindlessly! I didn't read the accompanying text or study the pages. A few days ago, I pulled my old Physiology textbook off the shelf and was shocked to discover how much I'd forgotten over the years. Not the major concepts, those are pretty solid in my mind, but oh, the intricacies... So many details!
The exam was hard- 160 questions. They were multiple choice, but there were no giveaways. My expectations after almost two hours of testing were not high. I hoped I passed. A letter grade is assigned based upon exam performance, and I figured I may (if I was lucky) have earned myself a 'B'. Imagine my surprise when I received my printout... An 'A'!!!! Hooray for A's! I guess I need to start giving myself more credit!
Next up: Micro. This will be more challenging, since I sold back the textbook long ago. How will I prepare? I have the book "Clinical Microbiology Made Ridiculously Simple" (I purchased it shortly after signing up for the exam), but it isn't comparable to a textbook at all. It's very much a clinician's guide. What to do? I may have to shell out some more money and get another book. I have approximately 3 1/2 weeks to study, however... So maybe it would be foolish to get a book that I won't have time to really delve into. I've also been doing a lot of reading ahead in my nursing text, and I plan to keep up with that. I'm challenging myself to the max right now with all the reading... But it doesn't begin to compare to the time I spent as a student at Cal-- I read hundreds of pages a day for two years straight! No joke! I guess I can handle the next 3 1/2 weeks! And the two years that follow!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Looking Ahead... Too Far Ahead?
A few days ago I printed out information on the three CRNA programs located in California (CRNA is a high-paying and competitive nursing specialty). When my husband came home from work, I showed him the curricula for the three programs, and he was amused that I was already looking into graduate programs when I don't even have my RN (in fact, in the case of CRNA, one must be ACLS and PALS certified and have at least a year's experience as an ICU nurse and a BSN before applying). Getting ahead of myself? Yes, I am! Am I sorry?? No!!
It's never too soon to start thinking about the future and coming up with a rudimentary action plan. It's true that I haven't even begun the nursing program... Will I be successful? Will I want to continue my education down the road, especially if my life becomes more complicated with the blessing of a larger family? Will I have the opportunity to work in a specialty area like ICU? Will I enjoy direct patient care, or will I feel compelled to move towards something like discharge planning or education? I don't know. One thing is clear, though... I'm excited to start, and excited at where this path might lead. Because I have felt thwarted from my goals and held back by life's circumstances for so long, I'm eager to get going, eager to run with this opportunity and take it as far as I can. I'm impatient. Let's go, already!
It's never too soon to start thinking about the future and coming up with a rudimentary action plan. It's true that I haven't even begun the nursing program... Will I be successful? Will I want to continue my education down the road, especially if my life becomes more complicated with the blessing of a larger family? Will I have the opportunity to work in a specialty area like ICU? Will I enjoy direct patient care, or will I feel compelled to move towards something like discharge planning or education? I don't know. One thing is clear, though... I'm excited to start, and excited at where this path might lead. Because I have felt thwarted from my goals and held back by life's circumstances for so long, I'm eager to get going, eager to run with this opportunity and take it as far as I can. I'm impatient. Let's go, already!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Getting Ready
Classes for the nursing program begin August 30th. There is so much to be done between now and then! I've applied for the Loan Stipend program at work, which is a biggie. Unfortunately, I won't hear yay or nay until mid to late August... Which seems to be cutting it kind of close. But there are many other things that I must do, and I've been plugging away at them.
Physical Exam? Scheduled for this month. Titers for my vaccines? Complete. Uniforms? On order and due in next week. Compression stockings? We're encouraged to wear these, but the jury is still out for me... We'll see. "Granny Panties"? (a requirement, I kid you not!) Check. Shoes? Check. I ordered and just received a pair of Dansko Professionals... Tried them out yesterday, and they seem alright. Some nurses swear by them. I like that they can be cleaned easily.
Books? Check. Well, mostly... I purchased the most important text in hard copy, ordered a few of the supplementals as Kindle ebooks on Amazon, and I have access to another at work. $99 Supply kit, filled with practice items like a foley catheter, IV bag, practice ampule, bandage scissors, Kelly Forceps, etc.? (This is a new requirement, that students must purchase their own practice supplies due to budget cuts...) Yep, I went to the bookstore and bought that right away.
Stethoscope? Check... hooray, the Littman rides again! I've cared for it lovingly for 14 years, and now I finally get to dust it off and use it once more. It's not a fancy Littman, no, just the basic model, but they've gotten more expensive over the years so I'm glad I have mine already. I'm going to order a new nametag for it so that I can help ensure that it doesn't "walk"- since I've worked in a hospital I've heard many tales of stethoscopes being "accidentally" picked up by docs, etc... In fact, if there was one item that nurses lose the most often, I bet this is it!
CPR & First Aid certification? Check. Background check? Not yet. Liability Insurance? Not yet.
Now for the intangibles... Positive Attitude? Well... I'm working on it!
At the orientation, one of the program staff members did a brief presentation on what it takes to be a successful nursing student. Here are her 5 tips for success:
1. Be a good student/ an active participant. Clarify things that you don't understand, be prepared
2. Manage your time well. Study and preparation outside of class approx. 22 hours per week
3. Use your resources, including the success counselor, workshops on test taking, etc.
4. Manage your stress and anxiety--- ask for help
5. Challenge yourself- pick patients that will challenge you to learn/ complement your learning experience
I'm going to do my best to take these things to heart.
Other things I want to do to prepare myself:
ASAP, get a haircut and/or a "Brazilian Blowout"- I don't want to start the program looking like a wild woman (which, sadly, is how I go into work every night)
Take a vacation or "mini-moon"- R and I haven't taken a honeymoon yet, and I don't think we'll have time. That's alright. I love where we live and I feel as though I'm on vacation just roaming our neighborhood... But we've been talking for months about getting away for a few days, and my step-daughter E would really like to take a trip. She actually (miraculously) put on some weight recently on a road trip with her mom... R suggested we take a trip to Monterey, which is where he proposed several years ago. It's one of my most favorite locations on the planet, and the site of the dives for my scuba certification while in college... So that sounds good to me! I'm not sure how we'll work things out logistically (my employer is notorious for denying requests for time off), but we can try!
Finally, I'd like to have my name change processed before I start school, so that I don't begin as one person with one name that everyone learns only to change it. I like my married name, so I'd like to make it offical sooner rather than later.
Physical Exam? Scheduled for this month. Titers for my vaccines? Complete. Uniforms? On order and due in next week. Compression stockings? We're encouraged to wear these, but the jury is still out for me... We'll see. "Granny Panties"? (a requirement, I kid you not!) Check. Shoes? Check. I ordered and just received a pair of Dansko Professionals... Tried them out yesterday, and they seem alright. Some nurses swear by them. I like that they can be cleaned easily.
Books? Check. Well, mostly... I purchased the most important text in hard copy, ordered a few of the supplementals as Kindle ebooks on Amazon, and I have access to another at work. $99 Supply kit, filled with practice items like a foley catheter, IV bag, practice ampule, bandage scissors, Kelly Forceps, etc.? (This is a new requirement, that students must purchase their own practice supplies due to budget cuts...) Yep, I went to the bookstore and bought that right away.
Stethoscope? Check... hooray, the Littman rides again! I've cared for it lovingly for 14 years, and now I finally get to dust it off and use it once more. It's not a fancy Littman, no, just the basic model, but they've gotten more expensive over the years so I'm glad I have mine already. I'm going to order a new nametag for it so that I can help ensure that it doesn't "walk"- since I've worked in a hospital I've heard many tales of stethoscopes being "accidentally" picked up by docs, etc... In fact, if there was one item that nurses lose the most often, I bet this is it!
CPR & First Aid certification? Check. Background check? Not yet. Liability Insurance? Not yet.
Now for the intangibles... Positive Attitude? Well... I'm working on it!
At the orientation, one of the program staff members did a brief presentation on what it takes to be a successful nursing student. Here are her 5 tips for success:
1. Be a good student/ an active participant. Clarify things that you don't understand, be prepared
2. Manage your time well. Study and preparation outside of class approx. 22 hours per week
3. Use your resources, including the success counselor, workshops on test taking, etc.
4. Manage your stress and anxiety--- ask for help
5. Challenge yourself- pick patients that will challenge you to learn/ complement your learning experience
I'm going to do my best to take these things to heart.
Other things I want to do to prepare myself:
ASAP, get a haircut and/or a "Brazilian Blowout"- I don't want to start the program looking like a wild woman (which, sadly, is how I go into work every night)
Take a vacation or "mini-moon"- R and I haven't taken a honeymoon yet, and I don't think we'll have time. That's alright. I love where we live and I feel as though I'm on vacation just roaming our neighborhood... But we've been talking for months about getting away for a few days, and my step-daughter E would really like to take a trip. She actually (miraculously) put on some weight recently on a road trip with her mom... R suggested we take a trip to Monterey, which is where he proposed several years ago. It's one of my most favorite locations on the planet, and the site of the dives for my scuba certification while in college... So that sounds good to me! I'm not sure how we'll work things out logistically (my employer is notorious for denying requests for time off), but we can try!
Finally, I'd like to have my name change processed before I start school, so that I don't begin as one person with one name that everyone learns only to change it. I like my married name, so I'd like to make it offical sooner rather than later.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Feeling Better
Wow, my posts have all been such a downer lately. What can I say except that I'm SCARED to start the nursing program in two months. But no worries! I can do it! History is NOT going to repeat itself! There's no way I will let that happen.
On Saturday I took the National Registry exam for my EMT. I just wandered on to the NREMT website for the gazillionth time of the past few days (never take a standardized test over a holiday weekend!), and finally something has posted... An expiration date for my cert! Gee, I guess that means I passed!
Funny, I shouldn't be so excited, but the test seemed kind of hard (though I blazed through it in like 40 minutes or so). I was actually worried for a few days there! And I love taking tests-- I'm just weird like that!
I guess you could say that finishing up the EMT class and becoming nationally registered was a small victory, but it was a victory nonetheless, and I'll take whatever I can get. I feel that it was good practice for what's to come. Right now I feel like telling all the instructors in the nursing program, "Bring it on!"
I'm ready!
On Saturday I took the National Registry exam for my EMT. I just wandered on to the NREMT website for the gazillionth time of the past few days (never take a standardized test over a holiday weekend!), and finally something has posted... An expiration date for my cert! Gee, I guess that means I passed!
Funny, I shouldn't be so excited, but the test seemed kind of hard (though I blazed through it in like 40 minutes or so). I was actually worried for a few days there! And I love taking tests-- I'm just weird like that!
I guess you could say that finishing up the EMT class and becoming nationally registered was a small victory, but it was a victory nonetheless, and I'll take whatever I can get. I feel that it was good practice for what's to come. Right now I feel like telling all the instructors in the nursing program, "Bring it on!"
I'm ready!
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