Labels aren't nice. So why did I label myself a quitter a few posts ago? It wasn't kind (hey, where's the self love?!) and it wasn't entirely deserved. I haven't quit on everything in life! When I've chosen to walk away from things, usually there has been a good reason. Example: You can't do anything but quit on a relationship in which the other party has quit on you! So yeah, I've quit on love a few times, but it was the only choice I had. I'm a big fan of the expression, "If you love somebody, set them free." (thanks, Sting). Love is supposed to be about the other person, so in a loving relationship it's essential to think of that person's well being. Maybe that's why parenthood scares the bejeebers out of me! A loving parent must understand and accept that a child is not a piece of property and cannot be treated as such. To be a good parent, one must be willing to let go.
I don't believe in gripping onto things too tightly in life. As a general rule, I give the people who are dear to me a lot of freedom... It's the only way that relationships work! At times it probably seems like I don't care about the people I call my friends... but I've never intentionally quit on any of them. So that leaves only two categories of things I've quit on per my post of a few days ago... Academic plans and career choices.
Sometimes quitting is a necessary part of survival... It's not all bad! I've quit on my academic plans a few times. Here's a quick run-down: Quit on nursing, quit on biology... Wow, that's actually a pretty short list! I thought it was much worse than that. Why did I quit? Well, my choice to become a nurse was made at the ripe old age of 17. It was a choice I made with nothing but good intentions. I wanted a stable career in which I could "help people" (so original!). I was highly motivated and began the RN program at GoldenWest College at age 20... Per some highly unscientific sampling that was done by one of the instructors on a nursing club field trip, I was the youngest in the class. In fact, the average student in the program was 33 or 34, with a large percentage of working moms in the mix. Many of the students were already working in some capacity in the health care environment.
Little old me, I was as green as they come! Not only had I not worked in health care, I had not so much as set foot in a hospital and had never had a real job either. I wasn't exactly a natural as a student nurse- I was slow, awkward, and unsure of myself. Although I didn't do anything wrong (not really), I caught the ire of my instructors. I guess I was perceived as someone who required hand-holding and would ultimately not be safe or successful. I was placed on probation for my less than remarkable performance in the clinical setting, and when my final clinical instructor (the excellent but scary former oncology nurse Ann T.) had the option of passing me, she "took a pass." I was asked to leave the program, with the option of coming back in a year to start over. A few years later, shortly after my dad was diagnosed with ALS, I reapplied to the program. I had spent several years working as an EMT and felt more than capable. I was accepted to the program, but this time I took a pass and decided not to return.
So, does that make me a quitter? No, not really. In addition to being accepted to restart the program, I was accepted to several UC schools to study Biology. During my tenure as an EMT, I had knocked out all the lower division science major classes (including two years of Chemistry). My failure as a nursing student had compelled me to set my sights elsewhere. I was thinking more along the lines of Physical Therapy or even medicine. I decided that some other career in health care would suit me better, having heard from several nursing instructors and practicing nurses that "nurses eat their young." I had also been accused as a student nurse of "not understanding the role of a nurse". Registered nurses are supposed to diagnose and treat a patients' response to their illness (on a psychological, social, and even spiritual level)... they aren't supposed to be task-oriented, but that's the reality of nursing. It's all very convoluted. In hindsight, I'm not sorry I quit on my original career plans!
Biology is another story. I began my studies as a transfer student at UC Berkeley with every intention of earning a bio degree, but this time life threw me for a loop. It was my first semester as a transfer student, and I was taking two science classes: Genetics and another one called Physiology, Structure, and Biomechanics. I was also taking a few nonscience classes, including Introduction to Environmental Design (ED being the fields of Architecture, Landscape Architecture, and City Planning). I remember sitting in a lecture for the Physiology class and hearing about how the technology exists to create artifical muscle and nervous tissues (a la bioengineering), but the cost of implementation is prohibitive. Meanwhile, approximately 350 miles away, my dad's muscles were wasting away from ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease), a disease in which motor neurons (the nerves that control skeletal muscle) cease to function.
So in other words, as my dad was slowly dying from an incurable disease, I was sitting in class learning that technolgy that could potentially save his life existed but was too impractical to implement. It was too much for me to hear. My ED class, however, was pure joy. Feeling on the verge of emotional collapse, I changed my major. Was it quitting? Yes. Was it necessary? I think so. When I consider my mental health at the time, I don't think I would have made it as a bio major. I think I would have been circling the drain emotionally. It makes me extremely sad to think that I quit, but I'm proud to say that I earned an undergraduate degree from UC Berkeley with a very respectable 3.8 GPA in my major.
So that leaves us with the final "quitter" category of career choices. What a can of worms! I think I'd better leave that for another day!
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