I've been taking my time with getting my name changed... But yesterday a certified copy of my marriage license arrived in the mail, so I'm just a few steps away from my new name (better start practicing my new signature!).
In order to request a copy of my marriage license, I had to first fill out a proof of identity form and get it notarized... Sheesh! A lot of work! Next step: Social Security... Then the DMV. Good times.
Apparently the name change process pre-911 was a lot simpler (it didn't require the notarized certificate of identity). That's ok... I'm not complaining. Not exactly, anyway.
Tonight is my last night of work, then tomorrow I have an all day class (work related, and taught by my husband- woo hoo!). The class should be finished before 3 pm, so with any luck, I'll have time to get to the local social security office before they close at 4 pm.
I had my physical for the nursing program earlier in the week, so that's moving along... And I'm two thirds done with my micro reading, so that's good. Things are on pace in my life.
I'm still having major fluctuations in attitude and emotions regarding nursing... I wish I could fast forward through the next two years. I hate the politics that accompany being a student in a program like nursing. I'll need to brush up on my "Yes, M'am" skills (i.e. being graceful in the face of constructive criticism). Like many women, I bristle under the authority of other women at times. Hopefully the instructors in the program will be cool. Working in a hospital, I have observed that plenty of individuals on power trips enter the profession of Nursing. It does not consist solely of tender hearted women (and men) who live to serve others. Which is a good thing... Balance is important! The problem is that sometimes the extremely unbalanced, power hungry end up in critically important positions. Some of them end up as instructors, undoubtedly. The program I'm about to start has an excellent reputation and fabulous board passage rates, so I should probably quit worrying... Easier said than done.
In other news, I've been thinking a lot about my 1957 Airstream Overlander lately. In August, I'll be visiting my mom in Oregon for a few days, which is where the trailer is being stored... Already I'm thinking about projects I can attend to while I'm there. Like replacing the weather stripping around the windows. Can't wait!
I wish I could bring the Airstream home and park it in the driveway... But my husband refuses. Another option is to buy an inexpensive piece of land in a scenic locale (somewhere closer than Oregon!) and use it as a getaway cabin. That's what the prior owner did with it until they were ready to build a permanent lakefront cabin in Montana. My husband thinks it's a crazy idea. Yeah, I suppose so. But I love it! Someday, I will attend Aistream rallies and travel the country! Someday it will be fixed up as the perfect vintage retreat, the aluminum skin polished to a mirror finish. Oooh... Someday!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tired
Today I received an email from my little brother. I wrote to him recently to wish him a happy birthday, but I wasn't sure my email had been received. It was wonderful hearing from him, but draining, too- not because of who he is (he's a great young man who I'm sure will accomplish great things in life!), but because of our shared loss.
My brother was born shortly after I graduated from high school, and is now a teenager. We share the same dad. Sadly, our dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease when my brother was just a little boy, shortly after his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.
His mom was born and raised in Sweden, and out of concern that her only child could very well end up an orphan, decided to return there with him, where he would have the love and support of her family. My dad moved there as well, and lived there for approximately two years before losing the battle with ALS.
I love my brother, but reminders of my dad put me in such a state. Most of the time, I am fine, but today I made the mistake of reading through some emails written around the time he died. It has been nearly 8 years.
It is my great hope that the losses I've experienced will inform the way that I care for my patients as a nurse. I believe that they will, but I also believe that nursing will be an emotionally draining profession for me. I have great capacity for empathy- this is a blessing, but could also prove to be an occupational hazard!
I need to find a specialty in nursing that doesn't leave me perpetually broken down. I refuse to become hardened, but I will not be successful without some emotional distance.
My brother was born shortly after I graduated from high school, and is now a teenager. We share the same dad. Sadly, our dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease when my brother was just a little boy, shortly after his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.
His mom was born and raised in Sweden, and out of concern that her only child could very well end up an orphan, decided to return there with him, where he would have the love and support of her family. My dad moved there as well, and lived there for approximately two years before losing the battle with ALS.
I love my brother, but reminders of my dad put me in such a state. Most of the time, I am fine, but today I made the mistake of reading through some emails written around the time he died. It has been nearly 8 years.
It is my great hope that the losses I've experienced will inform the way that I care for my patients as a nurse. I believe that they will, but I also believe that nursing will be an emotionally draining profession for me. I have great capacity for empathy- this is a blessing, but could also prove to be an occupational hazard!
I need to find a specialty in nursing that doesn't leave me perpetually broken down. I refuse to become hardened, but I will not be successful without some emotional distance.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Feelin' Groovy
Ok... So it's approx. 1 am and I should be sleeping, BUT since I'm normally at work at this hour, I don't feel tired. That's the problem with working nights. I get totally discombobulated! Days off are almost more trouble than they're worth. Oh wait-- did I just write that?? I don't mean it! I love days off! I just wish sometimes that I could be on a normal schedule. Someday...
Yesterday I had my exam for Anatomy and Physiology (taken through Excelsior College). It was conducted at a Pearson Vue testing center, just like my National Registry EMT exam a few weeks ago. Man, I am getting way too familiar with that place :)
I signed up for the A&P class about five months ago... Before I'd been accepted into the local Nursing Program. Since my science prereqs are positively ancient at this point, many schools will no longer accept them (most schools have a 5 year limit, which makes sense but was really discouraging to me). For years now, I've had an on again, off again interest in the Accelerated BSN offered at Mount St. Mary's College in LA. I've attended a few information sessions, and through that process learned about Excelsior. The Mount (and some other colleges as well) will allow students whose Anatomy, Physiology, and Microbiology are more than five years old to get current credit for them by taking examinations through Excelsior College.
Easy enough, right? Sure! So I signed up and paid my fees and began reviewing the material. Then signed up for my EMT class and got busy with that, then learned I'd been accepted into the RN program (thus no longer needed to worry about the old prereqs). Aw, shucks. What to do now? I called the school about getting a refund, but I would have received only 50% of my fees back, so I decided to proceed. I scheduled the A&P for yesterday, and the Micro for the absolute last day I can test (they give you approx. 6 months after you register and pay your fees to get it done). So Micro will be mid-August... Yikes! I'm more nervous about that one.
Anyway, since I hadn't done a lot of studying once I enrolled in the EMT class, I was pretty nervous. My previous "studying" had for the most part consisted of coloring in a Physiology coloring book with colored pencils during quiet nights at work... And I did that somewhat mindlessly! I didn't read the accompanying text or study the pages. A few days ago, I pulled my old Physiology textbook off the shelf and was shocked to discover how much I'd forgotten over the years. Not the major concepts, those are pretty solid in my mind, but oh, the intricacies... So many details!
The exam was hard- 160 questions. They were multiple choice, but there were no giveaways. My expectations after almost two hours of testing were not high. I hoped I passed. A letter grade is assigned based upon exam performance, and I figured I may (if I was lucky) have earned myself a 'B'. Imagine my surprise when I received my printout... An 'A'!!!! Hooray for A's! I guess I need to start giving myself more credit!
Next up: Micro. This will be more challenging, since I sold back the textbook long ago. How will I prepare? I have the book "Clinical Microbiology Made Ridiculously Simple" (I purchased it shortly after signing up for the exam), but it isn't comparable to a textbook at all. It's very much a clinician's guide. What to do? I may have to shell out some more money and get another book. I have approximately 3 1/2 weeks to study, however... So maybe it would be foolish to get a book that I won't have time to really delve into. I've also been doing a lot of reading ahead in my nursing text, and I plan to keep up with that. I'm challenging myself to the max right now with all the reading... But it doesn't begin to compare to the time I spent as a student at Cal-- I read hundreds of pages a day for two years straight! No joke! I guess I can handle the next 3 1/2 weeks! And the two years that follow!
Yesterday I had my exam for Anatomy and Physiology (taken through Excelsior College). It was conducted at a Pearson Vue testing center, just like my National Registry EMT exam a few weeks ago. Man, I am getting way too familiar with that place :)
I signed up for the A&P class about five months ago... Before I'd been accepted into the local Nursing Program. Since my science prereqs are positively ancient at this point, many schools will no longer accept them (most schools have a 5 year limit, which makes sense but was really discouraging to me). For years now, I've had an on again, off again interest in the Accelerated BSN offered at Mount St. Mary's College in LA. I've attended a few information sessions, and through that process learned about Excelsior. The Mount (and some other colleges as well) will allow students whose Anatomy, Physiology, and Microbiology are more than five years old to get current credit for them by taking examinations through Excelsior College.
Easy enough, right? Sure! So I signed up and paid my fees and began reviewing the material. Then signed up for my EMT class and got busy with that, then learned I'd been accepted into the RN program (thus no longer needed to worry about the old prereqs). Aw, shucks. What to do now? I called the school about getting a refund, but I would have received only 50% of my fees back, so I decided to proceed. I scheduled the A&P for yesterday, and the Micro for the absolute last day I can test (they give you approx. 6 months after you register and pay your fees to get it done). So Micro will be mid-August... Yikes! I'm more nervous about that one.
Anyway, since I hadn't done a lot of studying once I enrolled in the EMT class, I was pretty nervous. My previous "studying" had for the most part consisted of coloring in a Physiology coloring book with colored pencils during quiet nights at work... And I did that somewhat mindlessly! I didn't read the accompanying text or study the pages. A few days ago, I pulled my old Physiology textbook off the shelf and was shocked to discover how much I'd forgotten over the years. Not the major concepts, those are pretty solid in my mind, but oh, the intricacies... So many details!
The exam was hard- 160 questions. They were multiple choice, but there were no giveaways. My expectations after almost two hours of testing were not high. I hoped I passed. A letter grade is assigned based upon exam performance, and I figured I may (if I was lucky) have earned myself a 'B'. Imagine my surprise when I received my printout... An 'A'!!!! Hooray for A's! I guess I need to start giving myself more credit!
Next up: Micro. This will be more challenging, since I sold back the textbook long ago. How will I prepare? I have the book "Clinical Microbiology Made Ridiculously Simple" (I purchased it shortly after signing up for the exam), but it isn't comparable to a textbook at all. It's very much a clinician's guide. What to do? I may have to shell out some more money and get another book. I have approximately 3 1/2 weeks to study, however... So maybe it would be foolish to get a book that I won't have time to really delve into. I've also been doing a lot of reading ahead in my nursing text, and I plan to keep up with that. I'm challenging myself to the max right now with all the reading... But it doesn't begin to compare to the time I spent as a student at Cal-- I read hundreds of pages a day for two years straight! No joke! I guess I can handle the next 3 1/2 weeks! And the two years that follow!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Looking Ahead... Too Far Ahead?
A few days ago I printed out information on the three CRNA programs located in California (CRNA is a high-paying and competitive nursing specialty). When my husband came home from work, I showed him the curricula for the three programs, and he was amused that I was already looking into graduate programs when I don't even have my RN (in fact, in the case of CRNA, one must be ACLS and PALS certified and have at least a year's experience as an ICU nurse and a BSN before applying). Getting ahead of myself? Yes, I am! Am I sorry?? No!!
It's never too soon to start thinking about the future and coming up with a rudimentary action plan. It's true that I haven't even begun the nursing program... Will I be successful? Will I want to continue my education down the road, especially if my life becomes more complicated with the blessing of a larger family? Will I have the opportunity to work in a specialty area like ICU? Will I enjoy direct patient care, or will I feel compelled to move towards something like discharge planning or education? I don't know. One thing is clear, though... I'm excited to start, and excited at where this path might lead. Because I have felt thwarted from my goals and held back by life's circumstances for so long, I'm eager to get going, eager to run with this opportunity and take it as far as I can. I'm impatient. Let's go, already!
It's never too soon to start thinking about the future and coming up with a rudimentary action plan. It's true that I haven't even begun the nursing program... Will I be successful? Will I want to continue my education down the road, especially if my life becomes more complicated with the blessing of a larger family? Will I have the opportunity to work in a specialty area like ICU? Will I enjoy direct patient care, or will I feel compelled to move towards something like discharge planning or education? I don't know. One thing is clear, though... I'm excited to start, and excited at where this path might lead. Because I have felt thwarted from my goals and held back by life's circumstances for so long, I'm eager to get going, eager to run with this opportunity and take it as far as I can. I'm impatient. Let's go, already!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Getting Ready
Classes for the nursing program begin August 30th. There is so much to be done between now and then! I've applied for the Loan Stipend program at work, which is a biggie. Unfortunately, I won't hear yay or nay until mid to late August... Which seems to be cutting it kind of close. But there are many other things that I must do, and I've been plugging away at them.
Physical Exam? Scheduled for this month. Titers for my vaccines? Complete. Uniforms? On order and due in next week. Compression stockings? We're encouraged to wear these, but the jury is still out for me... We'll see. "Granny Panties"? (a requirement, I kid you not!) Check. Shoes? Check. I ordered and just received a pair of Dansko Professionals... Tried them out yesterday, and they seem alright. Some nurses swear by them. I like that they can be cleaned easily.
Books? Check. Well, mostly... I purchased the most important text in hard copy, ordered a few of the supplementals as Kindle ebooks on Amazon, and I have access to another at work. $99 Supply kit, filled with practice items like a foley catheter, IV bag, practice ampule, bandage scissors, Kelly Forceps, etc.? (This is a new requirement, that students must purchase their own practice supplies due to budget cuts...) Yep, I went to the bookstore and bought that right away.
Stethoscope? Check... hooray, the Littman rides again! I've cared for it lovingly for 14 years, and now I finally get to dust it off and use it once more. It's not a fancy Littman, no, just the basic model, but they've gotten more expensive over the years so I'm glad I have mine already. I'm going to order a new nametag for it so that I can help ensure that it doesn't "walk"- since I've worked in a hospital I've heard many tales of stethoscopes being "accidentally" picked up by docs, etc... In fact, if there was one item that nurses lose the most often, I bet this is it!
CPR & First Aid certification? Check. Background check? Not yet. Liability Insurance? Not yet.
Now for the intangibles... Positive Attitude? Well... I'm working on it!
At the orientation, one of the program staff members did a brief presentation on what it takes to be a successful nursing student. Here are her 5 tips for success:
1. Be a good student/ an active participant. Clarify things that you don't understand, be prepared
2. Manage your time well. Study and preparation outside of class approx. 22 hours per week
3. Use your resources, including the success counselor, workshops on test taking, etc.
4. Manage your stress and anxiety--- ask for help
5. Challenge yourself- pick patients that will challenge you to learn/ complement your learning experience
I'm going to do my best to take these things to heart.
Other things I want to do to prepare myself:
ASAP, get a haircut and/or a "Brazilian Blowout"- I don't want to start the program looking like a wild woman (which, sadly, is how I go into work every night)
Take a vacation or "mini-moon"- R and I haven't taken a honeymoon yet, and I don't think we'll have time. That's alright. I love where we live and I feel as though I'm on vacation just roaming our neighborhood... But we've been talking for months about getting away for a few days, and my step-daughter E would really like to take a trip. She actually (miraculously) put on some weight recently on a road trip with her mom... R suggested we take a trip to Monterey, which is where he proposed several years ago. It's one of my most favorite locations on the planet, and the site of the dives for my scuba certification while in college... So that sounds good to me! I'm not sure how we'll work things out logistically (my employer is notorious for denying requests for time off), but we can try!
Finally, I'd like to have my name change processed before I start school, so that I don't begin as one person with one name that everyone learns only to change it. I like my married name, so I'd like to make it offical sooner rather than later.
Physical Exam? Scheduled for this month. Titers for my vaccines? Complete. Uniforms? On order and due in next week. Compression stockings? We're encouraged to wear these, but the jury is still out for me... We'll see. "Granny Panties"? (a requirement, I kid you not!) Check. Shoes? Check. I ordered and just received a pair of Dansko Professionals... Tried them out yesterday, and they seem alright. Some nurses swear by them. I like that they can be cleaned easily.
Books? Check. Well, mostly... I purchased the most important text in hard copy, ordered a few of the supplementals as Kindle ebooks on Amazon, and I have access to another at work. $99 Supply kit, filled with practice items like a foley catheter, IV bag, practice ampule, bandage scissors, Kelly Forceps, etc.? (This is a new requirement, that students must purchase their own practice supplies due to budget cuts...) Yep, I went to the bookstore and bought that right away.
Stethoscope? Check... hooray, the Littman rides again! I've cared for it lovingly for 14 years, and now I finally get to dust it off and use it once more. It's not a fancy Littman, no, just the basic model, but they've gotten more expensive over the years so I'm glad I have mine already. I'm going to order a new nametag for it so that I can help ensure that it doesn't "walk"- since I've worked in a hospital I've heard many tales of stethoscopes being "accidentally" picked up by docs, etc... In fact, if there was one item that nurses lose the most often, I bet this is it!
CPR & First Aid certification? Check. Background check? Not yet. Liability Insurance? Not yet.
Now for the intangibles... Positive Attitude? Well... I'm working on it!
At the orientation, one of the program staff members did a brief presentation on what it takes to be a successful nursing student. Here are her 5 tips for success:
1. Be a good student/ an active participant. Clarify things that you don't understand, be prepared
2. Manage your time well. Study and preparation outside of class approx. 22 hours per week
3. Use your resources, including the success counselor, workshops on test taking, etc.
4. Manage your stress and anxiety--- ask for help
5. Challenge yourself- pick patients that will challenge you to learn/ complement your learning experience
I'm going to do my best to take these things to heart.
Other things I want to do to prepare myself:
ASAP, get a haircut and/or a "Brazilian Blowout"- I don't want to start the program looking like a wild woman (which, sadly, is how I go into work every night)
Take a vacation or "mini-moon"- R and I haven't taken a honeymoon yet, and I don't think we'll have time. That's alright. I love where we live and I feel as though I'm on vacation just roaming our neighborhood... But we've been talking for months about getting away for a few days, and my step-daughter E would really like to take a trip. She actually (miraculously) put on some weight recently on a road trip with her mom... R suggested we take a trip to Monterey, which is where he proposed several years ago. It's one of my most favorite locations on the planet, and the site of the dives for my scuba certification while in college... So that sounds good to me! I'm not sure how we'll work things out logistically (my employer is notorious for denying requests for time off), but we can try!
Finally, I'd like to have my name change processed before I start school, so that I don't begin as one person with one name that everyone learns only to change it. I like my married name, so I'd like to make it offical sooner rather than later.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Feeling Better
Wow, my posts have all been such a downer lately. What can I say except that I'm SCARED to start the nursing program in two months. But no worries! I can do it! History is NOT going to repeat itself! There's no way I will let that happen.
On Saturday I took the National Registry exam for my EMT. I just wandered on to the NREMT website for the gazillionth time of the past few days (never take a standardized test over a holiday weekend!), and finally something has posted... An expiration date for my cert! Gee, I guess that means I passed!
Funny, I shouldn't be so excited, but the test seemed kind of hard (though I blazed through it in like 40 minutes or so). I was actually worried for a few days there! And I love taking tests-- I'm just weird like that!
I guess you could say that finishing up the EMT class and becoming nationally registered was a small victory, but it was a victory nonetheless, and I'll take whatever I can get. I feel that it was good practice for what's to come. Right now I feel like telling all the instructors in the nursing program, "Bring it on!"
I'm ready!
On Saturday I took the National Registry exam for my EMT. I just wandered on to the NREMT website for the gazillionth time of the past few days (never take a standardized test over a holiday weekend!), and finally something has posted... An expiration date for my cert! Gee, I guess that means I passed!
Funny, I shouldn't be so excited, but the test seemed kind of hard (though I blazed through it in like 40 minutes or so). I was actually worried for a few days there! And I love taking tests-- I'm just weird like that!
I guess you could say that finishing up the EMT class and becoming nationally registered was a small victory, but it was a victory nonetheless, and I'll take whatever I can get. I feel that it was good practice for what's to come. Right now I feel like telling all the instructors in the nursing program, "Bring it on!"
I'm ready!
Monday, July 5, 2010
RHCC
Pondering a return to church... I'm not sure what my motivation is, or if I have enough interest to get through the door, but at least there's a church not too far away that I can try when I'm ready. IF I become ready.
Part of "traveling back in time" emotionally with the nursing program has been a mental return to myself at age 20... Kind of scary. This whole process continues to be a major downer for me. Myself at 20- devoted Christian. I don't long to be that person again. I was so caught up in that as my identity that I don't think I was capable of being open minded about many issues, and I didn't allow myself to think about issues that were troubling. I was happy to have my head buried in the sand. I won't ever be that person again, but I wouldn't mind being the type of Christian that my grandparents were.
I'm happy that when I go on to Facebook these days, my Christian friend seems to have dropped politics... At least for now. So perhaps I'm less hardened to Christianity right now.
Part of "traveling back in time" emotionally with the nursing program has been a mental return to myself at age 20... Kind of scary. This whole process continues to be a major downer for me. Myself at 20- devoted Christian. I don't long to be that person again. I was so caught up in that as my identity that I don't think I was capable of being open minded about many issues, and I didn't allow myself to think about issues that were troubling. I was happy to have my head buried in the sand. I won't ever be that person again, but I wouldn't mind being the type of Christian that my grandparents were.
I'm happy that when I go on to Facebook these days, my Christian friend seems to have dropped politics... At least for now. So perhaps I'm less hardened to Christianity right now.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Trying To Stay Positive
The past few days I've been wallowing in the sadness of my current "catch 22"- yes, I got into the Nursing Program, Hallelujah! I can start to move on and accomplish something with my life. I am so ready! The catch is that it means postponing having a child....
But I've found a silver lining with postponing motherhood. I just read that the likelihood of having twins increases with older maternal age... The older woman produces more Follicle Stimulating Hormone. Fascinating. Being overweight also increases the likelihood of conceiving twins! Woo hoo, I knew there was a plus-side to being chubby!
I want twins. I want twins because my husband only wants one more child, and I want more than one. With twins, it's a "two-fer". He wouldn't be able to refuse or resist. Afterall... Who doesn't love twins? A boy and girl would be perfect. I can dream, can't I?
There are plenty of negatives associated with having kids late, but right now I'm going to focus on the positives. In addition to the greater likelihood of twins, there's also the fact that older parents tend to be more stable (emotionally, financially, etc.). If and when I have a child, he or she is going to be SO wanted, SO cherished, celebrated, and appreciated... That's a positive! I just have to hang in there. And I have to trust that I will have a healthy child someday.
I don't know what I'd do if I conceived a child with Down Syndrome... For several years, my mom and I have volunteered with Down Syndrome kids at the Buddy Walk event in Orange County. They can be beautiful, amazing kids, but they are challenging. I hope for a child without limitations. So I pray that my eggs and R's sperm can stick it out for two more years. If that's what it's going to take, so be it.
But I've found a silver lining with postponing motherhood. I just read that the likelihood of having twins increases with older maternal age... The older woman produces more Follicle Stimulating Hormone. Fascinating. Being overweight also increases the likelihood of conceiving twins! Woo hoo, I knew there was a plus-side to being chubby!
I want twins. I want twins because my husband only wants one more child, and I want more than one. With twins, it's a "two-fer". He wouldn't be able to refuse or resist. Afterall... Who doesn't love twins? A boy and girl would be perfect. I can dream, can't I?
There are plenty of negatives associated with having kids late, but right now I'm going to focus on the positives. In addition to the greater likelihood of twins, there's also the fact that older parents tend to be more stable (emotionally, financially, etc.). If and when I have a child, he or she is going to be SO wanted, SO cherished, celebrated, and appreciated... That's a positive! I just have to hang in there. And I have to trust that I will have a healthy child someday.
I don't know what I'd do if I conceived a child with Down Syndrome... For several years, my mom and I have volunteered with Down Syndrome kids at the Buddy Walk event in Orange County. They can be beautiful, amazing kids, but they are challenging. I hope for a child without limitations. So I pray that my eggs and R's sperm can stick it out for two more years. If that's what it's going to take, so be it.
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